


Violets From Oversea

by Corantien



Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: Drinking & Talking, Invasion of Privacy, Loss of Control, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Major Winters ;-), Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, Original Character Death(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Sexual Tension, World War II, major angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 17:16:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 24,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8498485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corantien/pseuds/Corantien
Summary: "It will take a while to secure the area and transport the engineers here." the redhead sighed again."Luckily we have some natural light streaming in. Close to resources and public transport. We could've done worse.""Love what you've done with the place, honey." Winters sarcastically replied to Lew's attempt to lighten te mood.Ten minutes later had Dick even more annoyed.





	1. PART I - Chapter One - Dear, Far, Forgetting Land

**Author's Note:**

> "You got balls, Red." Nixon winked over the chow table.
> 
> "Don't call me, Red."

**PART I**

** Chapter One - Dear, Far, Forgetting Land **

One month in as a 'college op' had left Private Nixon gagging for his first weekend off. He and his buddies had immediately left for the town nearby the Officer Candidate School in Georgia. They could hitch a ride to Columbus on one of the transport buses and together they decided to do some legitimate army stuff. Drinking and flirting the gals like there would be no tomorrow.

Completely hungover and with only four hours of sleep he reported back at duty at 700 AM sharp. Uniform creased even more than usual and eyes blearily squinting against the unforgiving Georgia sun.

"Squad! Atteeeeen-tion!" Sobel screamed at the top of his lungs.

Nixon rolled his eyes, evidently seen by his neighbor who tried to keep an even face, at their stuck-up Staff-Sergeant's behavior. Until this day 'ole Herbie had left him alone. Sometimes good breeding did have his advantages.

"We welcome four new soldiers to or midst." - A long unnecessary silence followed as if it could bring more power to his words. - "I shall not be introducing you because I simply do not care about your individual needs! You are one group! One Squad! E-Squad!"

"Yessir!" They called back. Now Nixon's curiosity was peeked. Four tightly wound packs of fresh meat. Oh boy, oh boy. He remembered how his first day went and looked fondly back to his first night of binge drinking with his new friends.

Sobel went on screaming something about how much of a disgrace they were and if their mothers allowed them to live in a pigsty as their barracks would seem to be. Yap-yap-yap. Marching between the soldiers of the squad, the annoying little shit turned his back to Nixon.

The moment was ideal for Lewis to lean forward and take a glimpse of the new faces. Two young boys, probably barely eighteen, and one older man. Maybe five years older than the Nixon heir. But where was the fourth man?

"WINTERS! I know you're new here but have you seen the state of your shoes?!"

"No, Sir!" a man replied Sobel at the back of the squad.

"That question was rhetorical! You just bought your squad a ticket up to Currahee and back before breakfast! What do you have to say to that?"

"..."

"I asked you a question, Winters!"

"Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir! I thought you were being rhetorical again, Sir!"

Sobel looked like he would implode any second now. A vein started throbbing in his forehead and spittle flew around when he barked back a reply to Winters' cheekiness.

"Your impertinence will be the end of your career! I shall be clocking you and try to break the record or there will be more up-and-downs the mountain in your squad's near future.

Guarnere, two men to Nixon's left, barely held in a groan to that.

"WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!"

"Yessir!"

His head throbbing and completely dehydrated Nixon tried to keep up with the rest of the squad when the new guy handed him his bottle of water in passing.

"Didn't you get the memo Red? We can't drink during Currahee. Sobel's a Dick like that." Nixon nearly snarled at the man's stupidity.

"Yeah, I know." The redhead said. His eyebrow gave one little quirk and that's that.

Winters' face was stone when he was being yelled at by Sobel when his drinking can turned up empty - 'Cuz, yessir! I'm honored to be doing the latrines for a whole week, Sir' - screaming back with a straight face gave the new guy immediately the respect he needed from the whole group.

Not to mention the twinkling eyes when Sobel had to admit to Sink the record had been broken.

"You got balls, Red." Nixon winked over the chow table.

"Don't call me, Red."

For fuck's sake, that man's face was so hard to read. It could be that he was joking or that he would murder Nixon any minute now with his spoon.

"What should I call you, then?"

"Richard Winters." Winters said and held out his hand over the table - good old-school farmboy - "But my friends call me Dick."

His mouth corner quirked for a second and Nixon realized he shouldn't be so fascinated with that tiny line forming in Winters' cheek when he did that.

"Lewis Nixon." he cautiously answered and gripped the hand in front of him. Waiting for Winters to react to the name 'Nixon' at once. The new guy's face didn't even twitch.

Their hands were still clasped and Lewis was stunned. "I said, my name is Lewis Nixon. From the Nixons of New York?"

"I heard you the first time. My name is Richard Winters. From the Winters of Lancaster, Pennsylvania." the guy dared to take more time to speak as if Nixon was some dumb hick not understanding proper introductions.

"You don't know the Nixons, babe?" Guarnere interrupted the frozen scene.

"Oh, I know a Nixon. I just don't care." Winters said, let go of Nixon's hand and resolutely started eating again as if it was the best dish he had in years.

Lewis chuckled and noticed it wouldn't stop until it was full-blown laughter. Winters just looked over his cup of coffee with that tiny line forming again in his cheek.

"You're a dick, Dick." Nixon finally gasped out.

And there went the eyebrow again.


	2. PART I - Chapter Two - They Should Be Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Seriously, though. You ready for this, Dick?"
> 
> "I was air-borne ready, Lew."
> 
> Nixon groaned loudly, "That joke was abysmal."
> 
> "Big words again at..." Winters squinted up at the sun and looked back down to his friend over his shoulder "... one PM. Must be a record."

** Chapter Two - They Should Be Blue **

"Let me guess, you're an old-fashioned country boy, dreaming of wide horizons and being poor as you are, how better to do that than to sign up for the Army?"

Nixon waited for a reply - he knew - would never come from his friend Dick. They had become quick buddies after that and Nixon - being the pain in the ass like he always is - immediately started pressing Winters. Trying to find out how far he could push the lines between them until he saw something else than stoicism from the redhead.

"Okay, what about this. You got a girl up the duff and had to man up for the sake of family expectations and then you decided -fuck it all! And ran off to be an officer."

"Now, why would I do that?"

"Because you're not ready to accept whatever the world decided to throw your way. Because you don't even know yourself what you want. Because you hate to be placed inside a cage that wasn't of your own choosing."

Suddenly Dick's penetrating blue eyes were on Nixon in an instant. He often had moments like this. As if he could read everything with that look and Lewis felt naked.

"That what happened to you, Nix?"

No one called him Nix and Lewis gulped down another big swig of his beer. How could Dick know? How could he even begin to imagine how it felt.

He got up and brushed off his pants legs to hide his sudden awkwardness.

"I drank a beer with you, now have you decided to come with us to town or have you decided to stay here and write another novel to whoever the hell it is you're writing but won't tell."

Anger was a good place to hide.

"I've got nothing to hide from."

"No, you can't do anything wrong," Nixon mumbled under his breath.

"That's not true."

"Then who are you writing to?"

"My mother."

Lewis let out a self-deprecating laugh. "Yeah, I could've guessed so. See ya later, Dick."

Leaving Winters to wonder if they just had a fight or not.

* * *

"Lew. Wake up, Lew!"

"Crawl in a hole and die." Nixon groaned in his pillow.

"Sobel will be waking us up in thirty minutes. The showers are free and I've gone to the commission."

"That's a load of shit information and I don't know what I'm meant to do with that."

"Aren't you supposed to want to be an intelligence officer?"

"No, intelligence before 6, Dick!" Lew moaned and finally turned around to get a good look at his friend.

"How on earth do you manage to always shower before any of us do so? You're killing me with your... Help me out here. A guy needs to have time to find his words."

"Efficiency?"

"No, fastidiousness. See, big words."

Winters rolled his eyes and pulled the blanket of off Nix. Glimpsing for a second at the long legs peeking out from under the military standard issue briefs.

"I've got you two painkillers and a glass of water. Take those, take a shower and become a living being once more."

"Have I told you how much I love you, mom?"

Dick stilled at that reply and turned his back to the man standing up from the bed. He shrugged and didn't give any answer to that until he heard blankets shuffling around.

"Get going, Nix! I'll do your bed. Sobel's never pleased with the way you do it."

"Thanks, Dick. I owe you."

The sound of glass clinking on the cheap tabletop had Dick turning back to the now empty bed. With a nod, Nixon walked out the barrack as an old man with his fresh clothes balled up under his arm. Sobel would be yelling about the creases later and Winter sighed.

Slowly sinking until he was seated on the still warm bed. His hand on the pillow where Nix's head just lay sleeping. And he closed his eyes for a moment. Granting himself a minute of something he didn't dare to name.

Briskly he stood back up. Window open. Air the room out.

Air his thoughts out.

* * *

"You signed up for the airborne. Why'd you do that?"

Winters took a moment before he replied. Watching the sunset lighting the backs of the men wrestling in front of them.

"Why did you do it, Nix?"

"Don't turn the question around. You know why. You know me. I barely know you."

"Thought you had it figured out."

Lewis pulled his hand through his hair in a gesture to hide his irritation at the evasiveness of his friend. Dick followed the movement in the corner of his eye.

"Fine. Be that way." Nix grunted and tried standing up but a hand snatched his wrist and kept him grounded.

Their eyes met and Lewis noticed the rosiness in Dick's cheeks and the way the last rays of the sun lit his eyes up to some unreal color he couldn't place.

He eyed the hand holding his wrist and frowned at Winters. Questioning.

"Stay."

So he did.

* * *

"Congratulations, Platoon Leader!" Nix smiled and clapped Dick on the shoulder. Winters barely moved a hair.

"Aren't you happy? Better pay. The moxies will love that for sure when you come to town with us one day."

"Now why would I do that?" Dick smiled his tiny smile.

"I dunno. Get roaring drunk together with your favorite squad? Take a girl to the alley behind the bar for some hands-on combat theories?"

The back of Winters' neck started heating up slowly and Nixon followed the blush spreading down from Dick's cheeks. After months and months together he finally knew some tells of the 'never flappable lieutenant'. He smiled even more broadly.

"Perhaps not so much the drinking. But the girl, aye?"

Dick met his gaze unflinchingly. Probably all too aware of his blush stained body.

"You a girl at home then, Dick?"

"N... Yes, Ethel. A girl from my hometown."

Lewis was floored. Dick was finally offering him personal information and now he didn't know what to feel or do because of it.

So he did what a Nixon does best and put his foot in it.

"Hah, so you saving yourself for someone pretty special then, eh?"

The cool gaze wavered and turned away.

"Holy shit! You are! You really are! That's... That's..."

"Don't push it, Lewis."

Oh, there was the full name and Nixon gulped.

"That's really something."

* * *

Winters was quiet lately. Too quiet. Lew was used to the long bouts of silence. The hours of writing some letter by the light of his tiny bureau lamp. But this was something else, though.

His eyes were red but they should be blue. He never caught the man crying and when Nix asked him if he were okay then he just replied 'Allergies'.

Something was not right.

"WINTERS! Did you just smirk at what I said!?"

"No, Sir!"

"I swear I saw you smirk! What's so funny about you all jumping to your almost certain death?"

"Nothing, Sir!"

"You think you deserve special treatment because your father just passed away, officer Winters?!"

This time Dick's face faltered - one eternal blink long could the outside world see the raw pain clawing its way out - before it smoothly returned to the calm surface of a lake.

"No, Sir!"

Some men in the platoon were growing restless with anger and Sobel going over the line but Dick gave not an inch away. Their Staff Sergeant knew he wouldn't get Winters to kneel before him - even with a move like this - and decided they should all gear up and crawl through mud the next three hours.

In the meantime, Nixon was stewing. Why hadn't Dick told him?

* * *

"Great to have you back, Winters!"

"Hey, Winters!"

"Are you okay, officer Winters?"

"I want to express my deepest condolences..."

Dick's silent replies, thanks, greetings, and nods were shrugged off by the others in an instant. Winters always was short when dealing with personal matters so they didn't expect anything else.

Only Nixon was feeling like a caged tiger. He hadn't any right - he knew that - but he felt betrayed. Why didn't Dick trust him to tell him about his father passing away? Even Sobel knew after that one remark, he shouldn't repeat it if he wanted the remaining platoon's respect to stay.

"Lewis." Winters greeted him. His eyes solemn and clear. So fucking clear of everything even resembling blame.

"Richard," Lew replied and succeeded in grabbing Winters attention at once when he used his name in full for the first time - yeah bastard, now we're getting somewhere - was the only thing he thought when Dick's step turned less smooth than before.

"You're angry." Winters finally concluded out loud.

"Me? Angry? Pff! Have no right to be, have I? Unless you mean that I do when someone thinks they are friends but never tells him SHIT!"

"You're always angry. At me, at the guys, at the bottle, your father, your name,..."

"Yeah, I get it! My life's so perfect, I shouldn't even complain about, wait! You don't get to turn this around! Not again! You always do this!"

"Who are you really angry with, Nix?"

"ME! I fucking hate myself! That what you wanna hear do-goodie Richards-fucking farmboy-Winters?"

Dick was watching Lew's hands and that was when he noticed he had been thumping the wall with them for the last couple of sentences. Anger, disappointment, and shame the most bitter cocktail he ever decided to drink.

"I'm sorry about your father." he finally choked and turned his head away. He couldn't bear feeling this flayed open.

A warm hand gripped his shoulder tight. Squeezed. Two squeezes. And stayed put.

"Yeah, me too," Dick replied hoarsely. Finally letting some grief slip through to show his friend.

Nix grabbed the hand holding him and entwined their fingers for a moment.

"Thanks."

"Always, Lew."

* * *

"Bloody England. Mist and rain. Tea and... What's it called?"

"Crumpets?" Dick snorted.

"Yeah, an absolutely crappy place to be. Even closer to the hellhole we're supposed to go."

"You did remember signing up in the Army, did you?"

Nixon squatted next to his friend so he could push his shoulder to defend his honor. Dick elegantly leaned away and even let out a little chuckle.

"Seriously, though. You ready for this, Dick?"

"I was air-borne ready, Lew."

Nixon groaned loudly, "That joke was abysmal."

"Big words again at..." Winters squinted up at the sun and looked back down to his friend over his shoulder "... one PM. Must be a record."

"Jerk. Speaking of the sun. You better hide in the shades or your pale..."

Lewis absentmindedly let his finger stroke over the back of Dick's neck - eliciting an honest to God shiver from the man next to him - while talking.

"... Creamy easily sunburned skin."

Both men froze. Nix snatched his hand away.

"Go on then, before I'll have to drag you down to the medic and then you'll be moaning around about how you don't want no sunscreen because you don't need it someone else might need it more."

"Fine." Dick tersely said and stiffly made his way over to the shadows without glancing back.

"You and your skin will just loooooove, England!" Nixon called after the retreating back before returning to the basketball game with the other guys.


	3. PART I - Chapter Three - Sweet, I Send You Oversea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I... I didn't like what she did." He confessed into the dark night.
> 
> "Yeah, I figured. I'm sorry."
> 
> "Don't be. You're a great wingman if I ever needed one."
> 
> "Not yet," Nix smirked and tapped his chest. "Not yet a wingman."
> 
> "No, but you deserve wings even though you think you don't."

** Chapter Three - Sweet, I Send You Oversea **

One night off training the men went down to this little town where there were weekly dances organized to keep the Americans entertained and to keep the local spirits high. Not even Dick could escape this after much begging from Nixon.

"Ain't she a peach?" Lew smiled - slightly intoxicated - while sliding next to Winters in the booth.

Dick glanced up to see the girl Lew had been dancing with all night wink at the both of them. Then she crooked her finger in a come-hither kinda way and it made Nixon laugh out loudly. A full-blown belly laugh. Throwing his head back and the hand around his fifth - sixth? seventh? - beer shaking from mirth. The redhead at his side was mesmerized before snapping out of it.

The girl came closer and tapped Nixon on the shoulder before asking in her crisp British voice who was going to fetch her a drink. And then she pouted. Dick's fingers tightened around his glass of water.

"I'll fetch you something real nice, lass." Lew proposed like the gentleman he was and shoved the girl nearly into Dick's lap with a manic grin.

"This here is my best friend Dick, Lizzy. He's a real trooper. Patriotic and all that jazz."

Winters' eyes could zap a hole through the back of Lew's head when the girl started putting her hands up over his shirt. The stench of booze nearly overwhelmed him and he tried to subtly extract himself from her grabby fingers.

"I'm back!" Nixon flat out yelled before dropping three drinks in front of him.

"A glass of wine for this fine dame. A beer for me and something special for my good friend."

Then he put his arm around the girl - touching Dick's shoulder who sat on her other side - and started nuzzling and whispering into Lizzy's cheek. The giggling was maddening and Winters took a sniff of the drink in front of him.

Just fresh juice. His narrowed eyes relaxed a tad more and met those of Nix over the shoulder he had started kissing.

Silently sipping his orange juice, Dick looked around to see his fellow mates in all different stages of drinking. Guarnere and Toye were once again arm wrestling. Buck was explaining something to three ladies and from where Dick sat he could hear fragments of _someone_ talking about his beautiful fiancée he would soon marry when the war was over.

Seeing all didn't drown out the sounds the couple next to him were making and he felt a flush steal its way down to the too tight collar of his uniform.

"Yeah, you feel that. Mmm, so good, baby." Nixon whispered. His arm still around her - still touching Dick's shoulder - and her hands under the table.

"It's so big." she murmured back. Using the good 'ole flatter tactic to make Nixon bend to her will. And he did. He leaned a little bit back and opened his legs wider.

Dick didn't dare to move.

"Does your friend like to play too?" She asks Lew with pupils blown wide. A sheer layer of cold sweat starts prickling the hairs on Dick's back.

Before Nix can answer, Lizzy turns to face Winters better and lets a hand slight between his legs. Cupping him effectively and he reacts too slow. Too shocked by her utter daring. With only a moment - but actually a hell - of delay he jumps up. Slamming his knees against the underside of the table, turning over his drink all over the surface and dislodging her hand touching him so intimately.

"Beg your pardon." Dick chokes out before leaving with his tail between his legs. Followed by laughter he runs into the cool, dark night and decides it's a perfect night for a walk back to home base.

"Dick! Hey, Dick! Dick, wait up!" Nixon screamed. Stopping out of breath when he caught up with Winters who patiently waited for him even though he knew he shouldn't.

"What was all that inside?" Lew asked.

"You should go back and join your lady, Nix." Dick couldn't look at him so he stared up at the stars instead.

Nixon stood beside him. Looking up at the stars too.

"That one's Pegasus. And here, follow my finger, is Hercules himself."

Dick did search for that one and then sighed loudly before lowering his face to look at his friend.

"I don't know a thing about stars."

"Yeah, you pick up a few useless things at Yale."

Winters smiles. "You didn't just pretend you knew that to impress the ladies?"

"The only one here is you, Dick."

The redhead suddenly forgot how to breath before resolutely turning his head back up to the stars.

"I... I didn't like what she did." He confessed into the dark night.

"Yeah, I figured. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You're a great wingman if I ever needed one."

"Not yet," Nix smirked and tapped his chest. "Not yet a wingman."

"No, but you deserve wings even though you think you don't."

Tears suddenly pricked the back of Lewis' eyes. Dick would forgive him everything that easily. His whole life suddenly felt redeemed by the words of one good man.

"You should go back in." Winters finally spoke again.

"Nah. I'm doing an experiment you know."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. What makes Winters tick? Starting first by finding out what's the big deal about getting up first thing in the morning."

It was the first time Nix heard Dick laugh out loud and it was too goddamn dark to see the smile reach his eyes.

"You should know what makes me tick, don't you?"

"Bet I do."

"Alright, let's get back to camp, Mr. Intelligence Officer."

"Yeah, you better respect me!"

Only a chuckle followed that.

* * *

"You know. We decided to divorce before I started the program. But then we agreed to put it on hold in case something happened to me during the war. She could get the 10 grant and our kid would have the means for a good life. And of course, they would carry the Nixon name. That counts for something, doesn't it?"

Dick didn't even blink when Lew started talking about things like this out of the blue.

"I never even loved her when we married."

"It'll happen someday, Lew."

"That's what you tell yourself?"

Silence.

"I dunno, Dick. I think something's wrong with me. That I can't love or something like that."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"What do you know about it?" Nix snarled feeling hurt.

Winters turned to face his friend completely on the bunk bed where they had been playing cards.

"If you didn't love any of them, you wouldn't care about what they said or did or thought about you. Instead, here you are, drinking yourself to death because of the pain your love for them brings. You should stop caring so much."

Nixon's first reaction to that was to swing his fist at Dick's face but Winters had expected that and expertly pinned Lew's hand to the wall. Then the other who also came up to have a go at it.

"Let me go." Nixon breathed hard and Dick immediately let go of his wrists.

"Besides." the redheaded man resumed without a glitch - as if nothing had happened at all. "You care about all of us. Your platoon."

"Do you?"

Dick blinked slowly at that and looked Nix dead in the eye. Something that made him shift uneasily over the lumpy mattress.

"Of course, I do. I love you. I love our squad. There isn't anything I wouldn't do to keep us all alive."

"I know that, Dick. I shouldn't even have asked." Mortified Lew put his face in his hands and groans long and loudly.

"You can always ask, Lew."

"Not Sobel though. You don't love him, I guess."

Dick smirked and threw his winning card on top of the pile. Enjoying the way how Nix's face went from gleeful to indignant.

"I knew I should've punched you for something."

* * *

"LISTEN UP!" Doc shouted at the top of his lungs to get over the buzz of the loud canteen.

"QUIET!" Several officers obediently followed and soon the last murmur died out.

"I need y'all's attention for a moment! There's an infestation of lice in the barracks and we need to handle this as soon as possible before it gets any worse! That means clean beds and towels! After dinner, that's the first thing you will do. Commissionary will distribute new bedding and wash cloths. Now for the personal measures! People with short hair are lucky and get a quick look over by one of our medics. People with long hair, however - yeah, I'm looking at you, Nixon!"

Nixon shook his hair out like some pin-up model and the whole canteen burst out in chuckles. Even Dick had to suppress a smile.

"People with long hair will have to come get a lice comb at the commissionary and find a lice buddy to go through your hair together. You go from back, to forehead and make it wet beforehand! Instructions will be repeated in detail before shower time tomorrow! Now, for the other hair!"

Several men started whistling and hooting. Buck proudly opened his shirt to let everyone enjoy a glimpse of his voluminous chest hair making everyone clank their cutlery on the table.

"ENOUGH!" Dick roared and someone else blew an officer's whistle making the ruckus die down again.

"Thank you, Lieutenant," Doc said before resuming. "It's better you shave it all off and clean up after you're done or there will be lots and lots of unclogging drains this week for dessert! That's all!"

"You wanna be my lice buddy?" Lew mock simpered next to Dick and even exaggeratedly blinked his eyes repeatedly to make it more comical.

"Sure, babe."

That had both men grinning like mad.

* * *

"Auw!! God damn it, Dick! I asked you to comb my hair, not take off my scalp in an effort to mimic the great Sioux Indians!"

"Don't be such a baby. I'll even braid it for you afterward."

"Fuck you," Nix muttered while bending over his knees. Shivers traveled up his back whenever Dick returned the comb at the nape of his neck.

"Do you have to scrape my ears like seasoned cheese?"

"I'm barely touching your ears and they said to start at the sides and make your way up."

"You went to listen to the info moment about lice?"

Winters' hands stilled on top of his wet head.

"You were probably the only one proper enough to do that." Nixon joked.

"I was wondering about the sad turn-up," Dick said and then viciously pushed the comb harder down than necessary.

"Shit! My skin must be looking like raw steak by now!"

Winters touched his hair for several moments more and then let go.

"There. All clean and barely any blood."

In a wild panic, Lewis' hands snatched the back of his head and brought them in front of his face expecting to see blood.

Nothing. He felt his hair again. Was that...

"FUCK YOU DICK!" The lice comb narrowly missed Dick leaving the room.

"YOU BRAIDED MY FUCKING HAIR!"

* * *

The steam was swirling around him. Sighing loudly he let the warm water beat a steady pattern upon his back. He turned the crane fully so it would pound his skin even harder. Massaging the tension knots away Winters just stood there for a couple of minutes. Not worrying about the fact he might use up all the hot water because he always showered hours before the others did. More than an hour before most even woke up.

His hands traveled down to touch his newly shaved genital area. It felt so strange to remove all his pubes slow and carefully with his sharp razor blade. Such a dangerous thing so close to an essential organ. But his hands had not shook. Not even when he realized it would go easier if his penis was at attention. It felt so smooth. The skin still slightly red and his thumb grazed his erection making his breath hitch.

"Morning." Someone grunted at the door before entering the communal shower area.

Dick panicked but didn't let it show on the outside.

"Morning." he hoarsely replied. Clearing his throat he went on. "Slept well?"

"Adequate." Nix yawned before turning on the shower next to Dick.

Winters was leaning with both hands on both sides of the showerhead. His right leg put more forward to hide his throbbing erection leaning towards his left.

"There are other showers." the redhead finally managed to get out through his gritted teeth. Desperately trying not to look next to him where Lewis would undoubtedly be showering completely naked.

"Relax Dick, they're just cocks. We all have one here." Nix joked while rubbing soap over his chest.

Winters' penis filled even more with blood after that. Hearing the word 'cocks' roll off that tongue surrounded by those lush lips.

"Unless... Ah shit, sorry Dick. Did I interrupt your happy time? Fuck, even you need it sometimes and here I am ruining your private moment. Sorry. Should I go?"

"No. It's fine." Because what else could he reply to that.

"You could finish. I'm not even looking. Not a word." And Nix courteously turned his back towards his best friend.

Heat was traveling down his spine so fast, Dick turned dizzy and in absolute terror he yanked the handle of the shower all the way to the other side. His loud gasp alerted Nix to turn back and gape at the redhead dousing himself in ice water until his lips turned blue.

When he turned off the crane Lew opened his mouth to say something but Dick beat him to it.

"Just shut up." He harshly shot at the shorter man.

Lewis mimicked closing his mouth and throwing away the key before turning back to his own shower.

Dick caught one last glimpse of Nix's ass and hands sliding down his chest to... And already the traitor was looking back up.

* * *

"What are you doing?"

"Writing."

"I can see that, Winters. To whom?"

"My mother. Ethel. Before we jump."

"What are you writing? How do you tell them you're terrified and might even die?"

Dick looked up a moment from his letters to measure his answer.

"You tell them the truth."

"How?"

"I feel no shame in telling you how afraid I am that it all goes wrong. I know you've taught me not to think like that and I try not to, but dad taught me to be realistic. And both of your life lessons combined, I can only conclude that being afraid is nothing bad, especially not when I know you're cared for in my absence. Ethel and Jimmy are there and I love you all so dearly. I'm afraid for pain but not for death itself. I've tried to be a good man and am God-fearing in its own right. Surrounded by friends I shall not be alone in this frightening experience. My best friend Lewis is with me and together we'll fight to see the end of this war just yet."

Nix had flattened himself upon the bunk while Dick was reading his letter out loud and sighed loudly when the redhead's voice stopped.

"Read on. Please."

Something in his voice must have spurred on for Winters to share such private correspondence but he read on.

"I left Ethel careful instructions what is to happen in the event of my death. Money shall no longer be a problem and there only rests me one task and that is to finally acknowledge Jimmy as my heir as I have no sons of my own. Find comfort with our family, dear mother, as I shall find with my men."

Dick's voice faltered. Nix must've figured out Ethel wasn't who he said she was to him.

"Continue, Dick." The steady brown eyes bore down into his blue ones until he continued.

"There only rest me to confess my sins and if anything were to happen, no priest shall be present. But who better to absolve me of all stains than the woman who gave me unconditional love, my whole life long. There could be nothing as pure as that."

"Nix." Winters stopped again.

"Go on." The deep voice commanding, begging and finally demanding its pound of flesh after months and months of hiding anything personal.

"I came clean to you and father before I departed to Georgia. You both forgave me my greatest sin and told me love could never be wrong. I carry those words in my heart forever as I shall never utter them out loud against the person I love the most. Ethel has been of great support in that as well and I hope you all give Jimmy the chance to be who he wants to be the most. Not to be like me scared and..."

"And what, Dick?"

"Enough."

"Scared and what Dick??"

"That's enough."

"Scared and repressed? Frustrated? Prudish? Will you finally tell me what's going on with you sometimes?!"

"ENOUGH!" Dick slammed his hands on the table making Nix effectively shut his mouth for once at the display of raw emotion.

"This could be our last day! Are we going to spend it arguing over things that cannot be changed or are we gonna enjoy it together as two friends?"

"I seem to do nothing but apologize to you lately."

"I don't want you to apologize."

"Nevertheless. I'll be waiting for you down there, Dick."

"And I'll be on the lookout for you."

"You can't miss my annoying ass. Now finish up those letters and join me and the others for some life changing - real disturbing - memories of some of the lads before we'll all die tomorrow."

"In a minute."

"See ya."

Dick returned back to his letter to his mother, niece, and nephew.

"Not to be like me scared and remorseful for never telling Lew how I feel about him before we all might die. I love him, mom. I love him so much it physically hurts and the thought of him not surviving the landing in Normandy would kill my only reason not to give up. I am selfish and should think of you and our family but all I can breathe is Lew. Lew. Lew. So I ask your forgiveness for this and hope to do penance with my timeless pining and hurting over this unrequited love. All of my love, your son. Richard."


	4. Poem - Villanelle

Violets from Plug Street Wood,  
Sweet, I send you oversea.  
(It is strange they should be blue,  
Blue, when his soaked blood was red,  
For they grew around his head:  
It is strange they should be blue.)

Think what they have meant to me -   
Life and hope and Love and You  
(and you did not see them grow  
Where his mangled body lay  
Hiding horrors from the day;  
Sweetest, it was better so.)

  
Violets from oversea,  
To your dear, far, forgetting land  
These I send in memory  
Knowing you will understand

  
_Roland Aubrey Leighton_


	5. PART II - Chapter One - Into The Valley Of Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You know that they call us that."
> 
> "Hmm, call us what?" Dick yawned. Finally feeling comfortable since he knew the date they would jump.
> 
> "They call me Momma Nixon."
> 
> "They do?" the redhead guffawed.
> 
> "Yeah, wait 'til you hear the best. Momma Nixon and Papa Winters. Thought that might silence you." Lewis laughed.

"Going my way?" Nix grinned boyishly. So glad to see Winters in one piece.

"Sure." Heart in throat he climbed upon the tank. Their feet touching during all those miles back to camp.

"Tell me what happened, Dick."

So Dick told him and afterward Nixon whistled through his teeth.

"No gun? You're one crazy motherfucker, Winters. I mean, First Lieutenant."

"Don't say that. We don't know that yet."

"You gonna punish me for insubordination."

"Have I ever done that?"

"No." Lew smiled feeling good and without a drop of alcohol in sight.

"Then shut it or I might reconsider." His nerves were frayed as it was and he did not need disturbing images of him punishing Nixon on top of that.

* * *

"It's not funny." Dick silently fumed. It was getting harder and harder these days to keep his temper from slipping through. Particularly when faced with incompetence and disrespect.

"You got shot in the leg with a ricochet." Nix kept on grinning while prodding the injured elevated leg on top of Dick's desk.

A desk filled with numerous documents he had to read, sign and send out to the right man now he was promoted in battle to First Lieutenant. It was so very strange to be giving out orders to people he previously had to take orders from. Even the medics bowed to his decisions.

"I was real worried for a minute there. Suddenly there's shouting that the Lieutenant's shot and I couldn't believe my ears. Dick would never be caught doing something stupid at being shot."

"Yeah, well. Here I am. Stupid and injured." Dick muttered through clenched teeth while rolling up the leg of his pants.

"What are you doing?"

"The bandage's soaked through. I need to replace it."

"Let me. For all those times you made my bed. You made it, now I have to lay in it."

Winters threw the fresh bandage at Lew's head in retaliation.

"Just lean back and let momma do her work."

Dick did just that only hissing slightly when Nix pulled back the dirty bandage to reveal the gun wound. His face apologetic the dark haired man carefully cleaned the hole in his leg.

"You know that they call us that."

"Hmm, call us what?" Dick yawned. Finally feeling comfortable since he knew the date they would jump.

"They call me Momma Nixon."

"They do?" the redhead guffawed.

"Yeah, wait 'til you hear the best. Momma Nixon and Papa Winters. Thought that might silence you." Lewis laughed.

"They don't." Winters whispered aghast.

"Oh, they do, daddy-o."

Dick lifted his leg up from the table and hobbled to the door in an infuriated blaze.

"Hey! What are you gonna do about it? Just leave it at that, Dick!"

"But they... They... What if Sink hears about this?"

"Nicknames are as old as humanity itself, Dick. Be glad it wasn't something like stuck-up Red and sleazy Nixie."

"It might be received inappropriately by those in higher command."

"You mean that it might imply we're both queers?"

"Yeah." Dick's neck was burning up but he was still standing in front of the door not looking at _sleazy Nixie_.

"Oh, come on Dick. They are already saying things like that about everyone! It's a well-known fact there are more gay couples in our squad than anywhere else. And if they say that about us well let them. You're too proper to be anything but straight and I tumble into bed with any lady with pretty eyes."

"Right. Right." Winters mumbled to himself. "Who's gay in our squad?" He suddenly turned towards his friend. Desperate to hear one name except his own.

"Uh uh, Dick. I ain't no snitch. You just have to use your own blue ones." And Lew pointed at his eyes before swaggering out of the room.

* * *

Dick couldn't understand how he could've been so blind before. He thought he knew his own men the best but here they were. Making out right under his nose without his knowledge. Now that he knew and started looking he saw couples everywhere. Toye and Guarnere were the most obvious pair and Dick even suspected Doc of being queer.

What Dick didn't expect was to find Speirs and Lipton going at it in an abandoned room full of debris.

He slowly backed out and hoped they hadn't noticed him. At the rate they were going at it an atom bomb might have fallen and they wouldn't have noticed.

Winters hated Nixon for showing him what was right in front of him. Being too realistic about his men was too close to his own reality.

Nix sometimes caught his eyes suspiciously following one of his men - closely followed by another not five minutes later - leaving the room. The man had the nerve to fucking wink at that and those winks made Dick's life even more turbulent than the second world war could ever begin to be.

* * *

As if Carentan wasn't bad enough. Eindhoven would be the fucking worst. It even drove Dick to curse in his mind. His hands were still shaking.

Hearing that shot. The kiss of steel and metal.

And then... Pure and unadulterated horror when Lewis went down.

He couldn't keep his hands from going over the man over and over again to reaffirm he was still alive. His heart was still beating. Blood was still reddening the apple of his cheeks.

Dick would've pulled Nixon up. Righted him against his own body before he remembered he shouldn't and pulled his hands back. Letting Lewis stand up on his own.

That's when he noticed his hands started to shake and they haven't stopped since whenever he had time on his mind it started again.

It was getting so hard to stop himself from reaching out to Lew. The pull was so strong he sometimes had to sit on his own hands to refrain from committing such an idiot move.

Time has come for Dick to self-reflect on some of his actions. He had been sitting much too close to Nix whenever they should be seated somewhere, always following him back to home base, hanging onto every word he says AND admitting to doing that and worse... The staring. Lew taking a swig of a bottle. His full lips closing around the neck of it. The way his Adam's apple went up and down when swallowing had Winters harder than the barrel of his gun.

He mustn't know and war was about to get worse.

* * *

"Lieutenant Winters! We found apples and eggs!" Liebgott shouted closely followed by Webster.

Another suspicion answered for Dick, he smiled when they came to him with their findings all boasting and proud about what obstacles they had to endure to fetch these things.

"The only obstacle you had to climb was Liebgott's ass, Webster!" Luz shouts.

"Shut the fuck up, Luz!"

"Yeah, shut up!"

"You shut up!"

Soon they were all playing in the new pissing contest while Dick put away the apples and eggs.

"Hey! What you gonna do with that, Lieutenant? If I may ask so." Roe asked.

"You'll get these back when you're back to playing nicely together."

Moans and disgruntled shouts followed him out of the room and he didn't look back even once.

* * *

"They decided to send you?" Dick muttered over his shoulder. Concentrating further on the apple slices he had been making.

"Yeah, but I'm not even gonna start. Instead, what the hell are you doing?" Nix laughed.

"Apple pies. Specialty of the Winters household. Made them by the time I was seven. Hand me that jar, will you?"

"You're just too much, Dick. Too much." Lew replied while handing over the jar of sugar.

"We have flour, sugar, eggs, and apples. Butter from the previous owner of this home we 'rented' and a fully functional oven. I wanted to do something not having to do with war. Something of home."

"I understand, Dick. I do. Can I help?"

"These apples won't slice themselves."

"Aye, aye! Careful you don't dirty up your uniform." Nix said with a nod to Dick's flour stained hands from making the dough.

"You're right. Hand me that apron?"

After some shuffling around both men went to work again. One kneading and the other slicing.

"This is all very domestic. Could get used to this." Lewis mused out loud. "It's been ages since I ate fruit pie. Last time was peach pie, over five years ago in Texas. Best peaches ever. I'll take you there someday."

"Yeah, perhaps."

* * *

The two men were lounging around. Both doing paperwork - albeit Nixon with the necessary comments and moaning in between when scuffling sounds at the door killed their concentration.

"Shh, quiet gonorrhea."

"You shut up."

Lew slowly slinked to the door.

"They're not fucking are they?" Someone whispered too loud. Sounds of people swatting the person responsible was the last straw for Dick.

He stood up tall behind his desk and leaned forward on his hands, hoping to scare his underlings off and mind their own business.

Nixon pulled open the door and five men tumbled inside on top of each other.

"What's the meaning of this?" Dick thundered over the mountain of paperwork.

"I'm sorry, Sir! We just smelled something delicious and were wondering if it were those app... What the...?" And Toye burst out laughing followed closely by the others.

Not understanding the disrespect Winters threw a glance at Lew who was pointing subtly at his own belly.

Dick looked down and closed his eyes in defeat.

"Guess, I'll never earn any respect around here." He grinned. Bravely accepting he was the laughing stock.

"It's pink and frilly!" Roe shouted and they all started over again. This time joined by Nixon.

Dick slowly pulled off the apron he had completely forgotten about and went to the oven to check on the apple pies. He pulled them out one by one. The laughter soon died and got replaced by a group of men salivating at the sight of good 'ole American apple pies.

"Now, Officer Nixon. Please close the door on your way out. All of your way out. I hope not to be interrupted for another two hours or there shall be no pie for any of you."

"Yessir!"

* * *

"Ooooh!" Nixon moaned loudly around a bite of still slightly warm apple pie. "This is the best, Dick."

Winters face flushed at that but luckily no one noticed. Or so he hoped.

Thanks were given and pie was dealt out around the fire. Feet propped up to warm by the flames and mismatched broken plates holding a piece of pie on their bellies.

"Just missing whipped cream." Liebgott sighed.

"Spoiled brat." Webster thumped his lover (?) on the shoulder with a fond smile.

Dick finished his piece - the smallest of them all - as first and got up to resume his paperwork so it would be done before they had to depart the day after tomorrow.

"Thank you, Lieutenant." Roe smiled around his fork.

"Yeah, thanks."

"It's real delicious!"

The last to pass on his way to the door was a quietly musing Nixon.

"Night, Dick."

"Night, Lew."

"Hey." Nix started again and Winters turned around.

"Thanks for the pie, momma Winters."

Dick didn't know if he wanted to strangle or kiss the man. The rest of the group were subtly listening in. Of that he was sure.

"You're welcome, papa Nixon." Was all that he said before leaving.

In the days following that moment momma Winters was never repeated again - at least not to his face - but papa Nixon would never live it down.


	6. PART II - Chapter Two - Theirs But To Do And Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I will not suck it up, damn you!"
> 
> Nix froze at hearing Dick curse for the first time in - probably - forever.
> 
> "Dick?"
> 
> "Don't. Just don't."

** Chapter Two - Theirs But To Do And Die **

Bastogne was some kind of weird ass ring of hell Dante never wrote about. An icy hell filled with silence, death and even more cold. People died and they never even got to taste real Belgian fries or chocolate.

Nixon was dividing his time between home base and one of the frozen over foxholes. Relaying information as was necessary, but staying on for days on end because he didn't want his friends to suffer through this alone.

Dick sent him back several times. That he shouldn't be here and must go back. But Nix wouldn't listen and would always - always - come back for more.

"Lieutenant Colonel Winters?" Nixon asked.

Dick turned around to face his best friend.

"How are you feeling?"

No response.

"I'm sorry about Toye and Guarnere and so many others, Dick."

"You should go back."

"You should talk about it. You have to let it out some day."

"Go back to base."

"No. Talk to me, Dick."

"I don't want to talk."

"Then say anything! Say what you want to do when this is over! Do you wanna get drunk? See your mom again? Buy a farm in the middle of bumfuck nowhere?"

"I said I don't want to talk!" Winters shouted and suddenly realized he had his hands clasped in the lapels of Nixon's uniform. Pressing him hard against a tree. Making snow flutter down in tiny flakes.

He wanted to take a step back and apologize but their face only got closer.

"I don't want to get drunk like you! Of course, I want to see my mother again! But I don't want to buy a farm in the middle of nowhere because I'll be all alone!"

"You're not alone, Dick." Lewis' eyes were filled with understanding but not pity. Never pity.

"I saw their legs all mangled. Blood everywhere and they... I can't lose you too, Lew. I should've... I should've..." He was struck dumb. His cheeks were freezing. His fingers frozen in its clenched position in the cold and rigid cloth of Nix's uniform.

"Shh, it's okay Dick. Let's get in a foxhole. Come on. Come on."

He was shaking. Hands clasped Lew led him to the first empty foxhole. He pulled Dick inside and covered the hole with the canvas meant for that.

"Come on, huh. Let's get you warmed up."

Nixon felt so warm. Having just come from base - probably after a good night's rest and a not that shitty meal.

Roe slid in the foxhole with them.

"What's wrong?" he immediately asked. "I heard the Colonel shout."

"I think he's in shock."

They both looked at Dick and he knew but he didn't react to that. That's when they all knew Nixon's right.

"Okay, keep it down. Warm him up. I'll get you guys an extra blanket and something warm to eat. No alcohol." He stared down Lew for a moment. "Just keep it silent. If the Colonel breaks down, the others have nothing to hold themselves to."

"He's just having a moment. He'll snap out of it once he's rested and warm. Not a word to anyone, Doc."

Another long stare contest.

"Of course not. Take care of our Colonel, Nixon."

Lew nodded and Roe left the foxhole, secured the canvas and slipped away in search of a blanket and a hot meal.

"I'm sorry, Lew." Dick tried saying but his voice was almost completely gone from the cold and the clattering of his teeth.

"It's okay, buddy. Really. Let me take care of you for once."

"O-o-okay."

Nixon made quick work of nesting them on a dry canvas, covered with an almost completely dry blanket and spread his own overcoat over Dick's shoulders.

"You're g-g-gonna g-g-get c-c-c-cold, Lew."

"Shut up. Only for a moment. Until Doc's back."

Lewis resumed tucking Dick in and then started rubbing his feet, his ankles, his calves and back to get the circulation going. By the time he reached Winters' arms Doc was back.

Roe took Dick's temperature and nodded relieved at the result.

"Keep him hydrated with water. Feed him some warm broth after he slept for another hour or two. And most important of all keep him warm. Whatever you do, keep him warm. He's not yet feverish but it's borderline. Keep him there."

"Okay."

"Lew?"

"Yeah, I'm here buddy. I'm here."

The canvas closed again and one long gust of ice-cold wind blew through the hole making Nixon shiver. He immediately dove under the extra blanket and tucked it around himself and Dick.

The redhead's shivering wouldn't stop after fifteen minutes so Lew pressed them closer together. Effectively spooning the back of the taller man. Both blankets and overcoat tucked around them both now. Not a piece of skin showing except that of their face.

"So cold, Lew."

"I know. I know. Not for long, though. You hang on buddy." And started rubbing Dick again all over in circular movements. Anything to get his best friend back to normal again.

* * *

Dick awoke to a cold nose, a sore but warm body and a heat soaring his back. He remembered screaming at Nixon. So it must be Lew behind him.

He took stock of the situation. All his fingers and toes could still wriggle one after the other. Ears, eyebrows, nose, chin and lips all okay thanks to his own personal toaster.

Suddenly something else registered in his brain. Their pants - luckily not their briefs - were shoved down. Shirts up. Nixon's naked chest stuck with sweat to Dick's naked back. Thighs firmly fitting to each other. So closely spooned not a finger could be stuck between them.

And something else.

"Lew." Dick desperately groaned. Trying so very hard not to move too much and push himself back. He wanted to rub himself all over that hot iron hard something throbbing against the cleft of his arse.

"Lew, please." He begged silently. Hoping his whispers won't be overheard. Scared of the Doc checking up on them again as he had been doing for the last six hours. Dick remembered it all now. He was - still is - so desperate for the comfort of his best friend and now...

"Mmm..." Nix moaned next to his ear. His face burrowing even deeper against Winter's flaming neck.

Oh God, he was so hard it was painful and Nix was unconsciously pumping his hips shallowly. Making Dick's breath hitch. How could he ever think Bastogne cold? It was an inferno.

"Dick?"

"Yes! Yes, Dick." Winters shout-whispered in reply. "It's me. It's me."

"Oh, fuck! Shit! Sorry!" And Nixon started pulling back when suddenly he was back stuck to Dick.

Nixon hissed loudly when he accidentally rocked back into his redheaded friend.

"You can't get cold. You got a fever during the night. Doc came by and we decided body heat was the best way to warm you up. We couldn't transport you."

"I'm warm now, Lew," Dick grunted between his teeth.

"I'm sorry. I really am. But it's a normal bodily reaction to a warm body and I'll be damned if I let my pride take priority over your health. So suck it up."

"I will not suck it up, damn you!"

Nix froze at hearing Dick curse for the first time in - probably - forever.

"Dick?"

"Don't. Just don't."

The cogs were turning inside Nixon's head and contrary to what he wants everyone to believe - he's definitely not dumb.

His hips rock back forward and this time on purpose.

"Oh, sweet Jezus!" Dick groaned and grabbed Lew's hand that was holding his hip. Clutching it closer. Nearly crushing it between hand and hip.

Lewis smirked.

"I may have figured out what makes you tick, Colonel Winters." And thrust back up again.

Dick panted loudly.

"Stop this." He whispered while clutching Nix closer.

"Your mouth says no, Dick. But your body says..." Another thrust had Winters' eyes roll back up. "You want me to rub one out on you."

"You don't want this, Lewis." Dick whimpered.

"What don't I want? This beautiful redhead writhing in my lap? This gorgeous cock begging to be touched?"

And the first feel of Lew's fingers over his erection had Dick gasping loudly.

The light switched on.

"You okay, Dick?" Nixon asked.

"I'm fine. I'm fine."

"Nightmare?"

"Yeah. Yeah." Blankets pooled in his lap. Hiding his shameful desire.

"You sure?"

"I'm sure. I'm sure. Go back to sleep. I'll just have some water and get back to bed."

"If you say so, buddy." And Lew went out like a light again.

Ten seconds later had Dick watching his sunken eyes looking back at him in the mirror of their shared bathroom in the home they had 'procured' near Haguenau.

Hating himself but seeing no other way after denying himself for so long he let his hand trail down in his pants. It wasn't the first sexual dream he had had about Lewis. And it wouldn't be the last. Dick promised himself he wouldn't touch himself while thinking about his best friend. He couldn't betray his trust like that. But only one name lay on his lips that night when he reached an intense but unfulfilling climax after years and years of abstinence.

Face clear of freshly shed tears and after a glass of water, he turned back to bed. Slowly creeping by the bed of his sleeping secret object of desire.

When his eyes closed. Two other eyes popped open at the other side of the room.

Both of them didn't get much sleep after that.


	7. PART II - Chapter Three - O, The Wild Charge They Made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yeah, he's here. He's wounded. The idiot threw himself on top of me."
> 
> "Caught between a rock and a hard plate, Sir?" Roe shouted relieved.
> 
> "I'm fine, Roe." Was the weak reply.
> 
> "Just stay here, Sirs! We'll get the engineers to clear the debris!"
> 
> "We're not going anywhere, Doc." Dick huffed through his teeth.

** Chapter Three - O, The Wild Charge They Made **

"Three hurrays for conquering Haguenau!"

"Hur-ray! Hur-ray! Hu..."

A whistling sound caught the attention of Winters.

"INCOMING!"

The blast had debris raining down everywhere. Moans from people hit went up in the air. Screams of MEDIC and help me deafened Dick.

The Krauts had come back with a tank and a machine gun. Two men went down in front of him and he felt for a pulse without success.

They returned fire, but they were no match when they had a tank.

"I repeat! They have a tank! Immediate backup demanded! I repeat..." Another bout of shooting interrupted Winters at the radio and he too started shooting back.

"I think I fired my first shot that actually hit someone." Nixon suddenly said next to him in a daze.

Lew always grounded him.

"You shouldn't even have been here in the first place until a complete clear was called out."

"I missed you too, Dick." He replied before shooting over the railing next to a dilapidated church.

The Germans were retreating - realizing the Americans were with more - in their desperation to get away they threw grenades, used bazookas and depleted the tank's ammunition with all they've got.

The line of resistance was shoving the Krauts back where they came from and another shot had both friends jumping up and advance on the enemy.

"We got them right where we want them!" Nixon crowed victoriously. Dick smiled and turned towards the shorter man when he saw a Kraut standing not that far from them. He probably didn't make it back with the rest of his group and now was stranded between enemies.

Winters knew what would happen before it would even happen and with a shout, he threw himself in front of Lewis. Face-to-face. And then it felt as if something bit him in the thigh and arm. Dick sagged against Nix. A face full of pain meeting one filled with shock.

"INCOMING!"

The chapel - next to the old church - got hit and started tilting over behind Nixon's back. Lew was still clutching his friend in shock. Holding him against his body but Dick knew they had but seconds. With one last effort, he stood back up. Turned them around and fell on top of his friend. Effectively dragging both of them to the ground. And Lew just let him. Not realizing what was happening.

When the dust cleared up and the last fires were extinguished cheers went up once more. The tank was out and so were the Germans.

"Luz! Lipton! Have you seen Winters? Or Nixon?"

"No, we haven't."

"Speirs?"

"Nope!"

The squad felt fear grip their throats and before they knew it they were all screaming.

"Colonel Winters! Officer Nixon! Nixon! Winters!"

A faint sound was heard by one of the medics.

"They're here!" the man shouted and quickly the others ran their way over there.

"Nixon!?" Roe shouted.

"We're here! We're stuck under all this stone!"

"Oh, fuck! Is Winters with you?"

Soft incomprehensible murmurings was all to be heard for a moment.

"Yeah, he's here. He's wounded. The idiot threw himself on top of me."

"Caught between a rock and a hard plate, Sir?" Roe shouted relieved.

"I'm fine, Roe." Was the weak reply.

"Just stay here, Sirs! We'll get the engineers to clear the debris!"

"We're not going anywhere, Doc." Dick huffed through his teeth.

* * *

"I am so angry with you right now."

Dick hummed.

"Do you have to sit on your knees and hands above me? You can lay down for a moment. It must be taxing on your wounds."

"I think they're just superficial wounds."

"Yeah, we'll see what the Doc thinks. Lean down. You must be exhausted."

Winters slowly eased one leg down and hissed. He started with the injured one.

"What's wrong?" Nixon asked worriedly.

"I can't bend my leg that far to lay it flat. It hurts like hell."

"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth, Colonel?" Lew joked and only got a withering glare in reply. "Just wait a second. I'll spread my legs."

Carefully they moved around each other until both Dick's legs were slotted between those of Nix. Dick sighed relieved. The strain had been getting even worse after the first half hour. He could hear some of his men outside the pile of rubbish but no sounds of moving rocks just yet.

"It will take a while to secure the area and transport the engineers here." the redhead sighed again.

"Luckily we have some natural light streaming in. Close to resources and public transport. We could've done worse."

"Love what you've done with the place, honey." Winters sarcastically replied to Lew's attempt to lighten te mood.

Ten minutes later had Dick even more annoyed.

"Stop wriggling so much."

"I'm sorry. I'm just bored."

"Then tell me a story, Lewis."

"Okay, but first could you lean on your elbows for a moment. I can't breathe properly and I like to look at you while I'm talking, Winters." Nix lifted one eyebrow while watching the grumbling Colonel settle back into his position.

Instead of his face now leaning next to Lew's shoulder, they were back face-to-face again. Chest-to-chest. Firmly stuck together.

"Do you want me to sit back on my knees?" Dick asked. Both understanding the awkward intimacy of their position.

"Nah, it' fine."

Dick kept on expectedly staring at him until Nixon barked out a laugh.

"Right, you wanted a story before bedtime!"

"You both okay there?" Roe shouted for the sixth time in the last 45 minutes.

"Yeah, just peachy!" Lew yelled back.

"Back-up'll be here in another 20 minutes or so."

"Okay! Thanks!"

"How's the Colonel?"

"Still present, Roe."

"Yes, Sir!"

"I wonder if you'll get two purple stars for catching those bullets for me." Lew resumed their conversation.

"I didn't catch anything."

"No, you just happened to jump in front of me."

Silence.

"Sooooo.... Ethel? She's your cousin? How does that work?"

Dick froze.

"And you paying for everything back home or something?"

Dick licked his cracked lips.

Nixon's eyes flickered to his mouth for a moment before returning to the sudden evasive blue eyes.

"I'm not equipped to deal with this right now, Lew."

"Okaaay, story time it is! There is this tall and creamy redhead who's been haunting my dreams lately... Blue eyes and a blush that easily gives everything away." Nix said while following said blush down Dick's face with his eyes.

"She doesn't know it yet how long I've had it figured out but I thought... Hey, I'll give her a chance to explain..."

"I use Ethel as an excuse when other guys or girls are pressing me for personal information. Or worse, trying to match them to one of their friends. She's my younger cousin. The daughter of my aunt. Sister of my father. She died very young and Ethel grew up in our home. She's almost a sister to me." Dick rambled to get Lew to stop spouting off his deductions.

"And Jimmy?"

"An orphan my father took in two years after I went to college to help with the farm. He's a real nice chap. Honest and hardworking. Him and Ethel helped my father and mother keep the farm business while I went to college."

"What about when your father died?"

"I..." Dick hesitated. In the span of two minutes he had told Lew more private details than in the almost two years, they knew each other.

Impatient for more information Nixon slid his hands softly up Winter's warm sides. Up and down. Dick stuttered - honest to God stuttered - before pushing himself higher away from the body underneath him.

"I saved money during college. With wrestling matches, fix-it jobs, money my parents had put away and I planned on doing business classes. Take over the family farm. Maybe even expand it. Take more people in to help. I was doing real good after enrolling there. Almost one year along when my father had a stroke. I rushed back home. Gave up on my studies and replaced him at the farm. He could no longer do hard labor and that's why I had to be there. There was not enough money for taking other people in to help."

"But you enlisted?"

"Because it paid so much better and it was my only chance at making some sort of a career. With my wages, my mother could hire two more people in my stead and sometimes even a third to help her with household chores."

"And then you dare to tell me you are not all good?" Lew frowned.

"Something tells me you already know why I'm not all good." Dick bitterly replied.

A long silence followed.

"You desire men."

No reply.

"You know I have no problems with queers. Half our squad is gay." It was meant as a joke but it fell completely flat.

"Tell me, Dick. I need to know. You owe me as much. I've told you almost everything there is to know about me."

"I owe you? I? Owe? _You_?! I never asked for you to divulge your private life to me!"

"You never stopped me neither."

"Your problem is that you talk too much. You talk so much, nobody can ever get a word in between your bullshit!" Dick knew he was losing the remains of his control.

"Stop talking for once before I say or do anything that will ruin our friendship." He pleaded softly.

"And your problem is you almost never talk! These last ten minutes you've spoken more words to me than you do in three months! You call this a friendship?? It's awfully one-sided, isn't it??"

"I've been nothing! Nothing but a good friend to you!" Dick screamed. Elbows digging ruthlessly against Lew's upper arms.

"There he is. The real Richard Winters." Nixon smiled. "Pleased to meet you."

"You! I could just... Just shut up Nixon!"

"You gave yourself away, you know. And I wanted you to man up and just admit it."

"I don't want to talk to you anymore."

"I didn't realize when your eyes lingered just a tad too long on my lips or eyes. I didn't know when you never reacted to any of the gals we brought back. Not even when Lizzy went for it between your legs."

"Stop it."

"The way you care so much. You never forget a word I said or a thing I did. The way you can predict what I need. How you've learned to make me smile. How you held me in that foxhole all desperate-like."

"Nixon," Dick warned. Tethered to the last cords holding his iron clad control grounded.

"Hearing you curse and moan my name during sleep and then disappearing in the bathroom for half an hour? Or how you turned away when we were in the same shower? Didn't you realize I knew you were gagging for it?"

"Lewis, please." He was trembling so badly from keeping himself up on his injured leg and arm and his inner turmoil weren't helping him shit to stay stable.

"Does it turn you on to fantasize behind my back? Imagine me doing all sorts of stuff with you? Pretending you're with me when you're with someone else?"

He snapped.

"As usual you have it wrong trying to figure me out." His cool blue eyes blazing fire into the brown dark ones underneath him. Never wavering. No more fear. It's time to let it be known.

"Then explain it to me."

"You think I like this any more than you do? I do not merely desire men, Lewis Nixon. I desire _a man_." Dick confessed ruthlessly. Nixon gasped when he lowered himself completely between Nix's legs.

"You feel it, don't you?"

Lew nodded. Warring emotions from disgust to fascination to reluctant lust flitted by.

"You think I just want to rub myself all over you. Use you? Have you? Like so many others?"

Now Nixon didn't look so certain anymore.

"And that's where you went wrong. I'm not like all those others. I don't want to use you or just have you. Collect you and show you off like some stallion with good breeding. Yeah, a _real Nixon_ , ladies, and gentlemen."

"Fuck you, Dick, then what do you want?"

Pain stole over Winters' face, he knew it and this time he didn't try to hide it anymore. All the pining, the want, the lust... It exploded and he shakily breathed in.

"I want..." His eyes flitted to those desirable lush lips that had been mocking him for years. "... What I want is so much worse, my dearest Lew."

With a low groan, Dick lifted him back up again. Removing his hardness from Nixon's belly and he closed his eyes in defeat for a moment. His leg was killing him and he was glad it had been his left arm that got shot.

"Don't you want to..." Lew started confused while glancing down their bodies and back up to those tear filled blue eyes.

"That's not what I want, Lewis. Because it's not what you want."

Winters saw the epiphany reach Nixon's eyes slow but surely and once there it would go back to sleep.

"You love me."

Dick choked down a sob and nodded.

"There has been no one else while I think about you. In fact, there never has been someone until you. I try not to fantasize about you but yes, I once touched myself in our shared bathroom while trying not to think about you. You were so close, I was so lonely and after Bastogne I - like you love to say - gagged for some measure of comfort. Of pleasure in this cold bleak world where I had to go on pretending, I felt nothing more for you than friendship. So yes. Once. And I've felt guilt ever since."

Nixon was stunned into silence.

"I didn't 'man up' exactly for this reason. Everything will be different now. Our friendship as we knew it, is over and I only have myself to blame. You can even report me to higher-up. I won't fight your decision but I'm done lying to myself or to you. No more hiding."

"Dick..."

"Do with this information - you've wanted for so long - whatever you want." Dick spat out at last and not one word would be forthcoming from that moment until they got rescued from underneath the rubble.

For once Lewis didn't fill the silence with his own blabbing. He'd done enough of that and his heart broke when Dick strode off towards camp without a backward glance. Defeat was written all over his spine.


	8. Poem - Charge of the light brigade

**I**

Half a league, half a league,

Half a league onward,

All in the valley of Death

Rode the six hundred.

“Forward, the Light Brigade!

Charge for the guns!” he said.

Into the valley of Death

Rode the six hundred.

 

**II**

“Forward, the Light Brigade!”

Was there a man dismayed?

Not though the soldier knew

Someone had blundered.

Theirs not to make reply,

Theirs not to reason why,

Theirs but to do and die.

Into the valley of Death

Rode the six hundred.

 

**III**

Cannon to right of them,

Cannon to left of them,

Cannon in front of them

Volleyed and thundered;

Stormed at with shot and shell,

Boldly they rode and well,

Into the jaws of Death,

Into the mouth of hell

Rode the six hundred.

 

**IV**

Flashed all their sabres bare,

Flashed as they turned in air

Sabring the gunners there,

Charging an army, while

All the world wondered.

Plunged in the battery-smoke

Right through the line they broke;

Cossack and Russian

Reeled from the sabre stroke

Shattered and sundered.

Then they rode back, but not

Not the six hundred.

 

**V**

Cannon to right of them,

Cannon to left of them,

Cannon behind them

Volleyed and thundered;

Stormed at with shot and shell,

While horse and hero fell.

They that had fought so well

Came through the jaws of Death,

Back from the mouth of hell,

All that was left of them,

Left of six hundred.

 

**VI**

When can their glory fade?

O the wild charge they made!

All the world wondered.

Honour the charge they made!

Honour the Light Brigade,

Noble six hundred!

 

_Alfred, Lord Tennyson_


	9. PART III - Chapter One - Although Bereft Of You

** Chapter One - Although Bereft Of You **

"You were very lucky, Major Winters. It was just some shrapnel. Try to keep off your leg as much as possible. You're entitled to a driver now and clean your bandages daily. If the skin around the wound is still red in two days, come back to me and we'll do something about that."

"Thanks, Doc." Dick sighed and left the medical barrack.

"Major Winters." the squad saluted when he came down after his medical inspection. His confession of the previous day finally granting him enough peace to look forward to sleep again. Wisely he decided to ignore Nixon when he started ordering his brigades around.

"Have you elected a driver yet?" Lipton asked.

"Why? You volunteering? Thanks. We shall be leaving France tomorrow for Germany."

"Yee-haa!" Webster screamed. They were already looking forward to clean out Berlin.

"Major Winters?" A voice sounded from the back. A voice he knew too well.

"You have your orders, gentlemen!" And Dick turned away from the officer's squad.

* * *

Lipton was telling something and Dick pretended to listen when a blast shook them from their conversation. They were second of the convoy of vehicles and Dick tried looking back down the line to see what and could only catch a glimpse of a bus with ammunition burning out in the middle of the road. He snapped to attention.

"TAKE COVER!" he screamed. Closely followed by the lieutenants repeating his order. The men jumped out of the cars and ran for cover to the shrubs when enemy fire opened.

Filled with desperation he saw his soldiers being plowed over by the brutal force of machine guns. "TAKE COVER!" he repeated while grabbing his gun and running for the tree line.

"Do we return fire, Major?" Lipton asked him.

"We cannot return fire if we cannot see our enemy. For now keep everyone covered ad I want a count. At once! People. Ammo. Food. Radio. Whatever we've got, I need to know."

Enemy fire didn't reopen and there were no cries for help from the vehicles further down the road.

"Lipton. Tell me."

"Sir, our group has split up into several little groups. It is my opinion we're regrouping but will still be divided into two groups. We have four fully working operational radios but they are short range. Long range is in the truck over by the burning vehicle."

"Alright, let's see who we can get a hold on at the other side of this open field."

Winters grabbed the radio and pressed his codes in before trying to make contact.

"This is Major Winters. What is your situation? I repeat: What is your situation? Over!"

"Major Winters!" A crackling voice came out the radio. "Major Winters! This is Intelligence Officer Nixon. We have several wounded, two radios and almost half of us is without ammo. No exact status yet on the casualties. What's your command, Sir?"

Dick had to take a deep breath at hearing Nix on the other end. He was alive and well at the other side of the field but with the enemy having machine guns and an open field was just too big a risk to regroup.

"Is there a map? Does someone carry a map around?"

"Here Sir!"

Soon a map was spread out in front of him and Dick tried to locate them.

"Here, we are here." He pointed so his Captains could follow along. "The other groups is there. They can go back to camp or slink behind enemy lines and attack from behind.

"Can we regroup, Sir?"

"There's a river here without a bridge and the tide's too strong at this time of year. Supplying boats will take weeks and we do not have that time. They could come around the mountain but that will take weeks too. Our only option is to sit tight. Have the other group go back to base at the border, replenish their supplies and come back taking a wide birth around enemy territory. They attack from behind after they radio signal in and we are prepared to distract them in the front."

"So... We're stuck here. Like sitting ducks with barely any food or ammunition... Sir?"

"That's correct. So we better hang on tight. Relay the orders to the rest of the remaining Division. Call the medics for a meeting. Scavenge all there is for food and water. Find cover and we'll get out of this yet."

"Yes, Sir."

Dick relayed the orders to the other half of the Division over the radio.

"Appoint a group of your own choosing to take command back to the border. Another group to remain at the other side of the field in case something happens to us, we still have eye witnesses."

"Dick, are you sure about..."

"It's the only way, Officer Nixon!"

"What about food? Water? I'm sure there is a way to get you some basic supplies. We just have to figure it out."

"Nixon, do as I told you!"

"But you will be there stuck for days. Without vehicles it may take us a week to go to base, replenish, circle back and surprise the enemy. Maybe even longer."

"Then you better well hurry up! Over!"

* * *

"How are you holding up, Doc?"

"Some have resorted to eating grass and worms, Sir."

Dick swept his hand through the scruff on his chin. His stomach hurting too much from hunger to actually want to eat.

"Have our hunters returned yet?"

"Not yet, Sir. They will contact us over the radio if they were ambushed. I wouldn't worry."

"It's all I do, Eugene," Dick said and patted the shoulder of the exhausted medic before going on with his rounds.

Five days. Maybe another three or four. They'll make it.

* * *

"If I die, you're allowed to eat me," Speirs said in the cold dark night.

"Aaw, thanks, Speirs. It would be real useful if one of us actually wanted a bite of you."

"Shut it, Luz."

Dick sighed. His hands folded around the radio. Waiting for any sign of life.

* * *

"I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna run over! They've probably gone already!" Someone shouted.

Major Winters jumped up from his restless sleep to hear shouts of no! no! no! going up in the group. A man jumped up and ran in the clear.

"See! They're not here anymore!"

"Get back here, O'Donnell!" Winters shouted at one of the fresh-faced replacements - not even winter hardened by war yet.

"It's alright Maj..."

Three shots fired. All of them hit home. O'Donnell sunk to his knees. Blood gurgled out of his mouth. One of the other men down the line cried out pitifully.

Dick could only watch at another lost soul on his conscience.

* * *

"Major! Nixon, I mean Officer Nixon is contacting us!" Lipton shouted.

Dick jumped up and crawled to the make-do radio station.

"Major Winters here." He croaked. His throat was parched.

"Major, we have some bad news and some good news."

"Give me the bad news first."

"The other half of the Division went around back after touching home base and found out the Krauts have established a blockade by making use of trees, rocks, and dynamite. They staged an avalanche and we're now - as we speak - clearing the road."

"Bring it to me straight, Nixon. How many days delay?"

"Four days. I'm sorry, Sir."

Moans went up from the encampment. Some men unashamedly started to cry. Food had already been pretty scarce to find. Their best snipers hunting for forest creatures but barely shooting a squirrel or three a day. Not enough to nearly feed a complete battalion.

"And... And the good news?"

"Colonel Sink approved of my idea, Sir. For volunteers to go and get to you with supplies."

"I told you not to go against my orders! You cannot lay down the lives of others just for the chance of helping us to some supplies! Damn it, Lew!"

Others around him nodded and agreed with Winters' reasoning, but some perked up at hearing they might have a chance for supplies.

"Sir." Luz interrupted. "If they volunteered for the job."

"I'll not have them risk it!" Dick snarled to Luz and into the radio.

"It's not your decision to make any more, Dick. Make place, we're coming over."

"Lew? Lew? I said no. Lew?" But no one would answer the radio anymore.

"Prepare for supportive and covering fire." Major Winters ordered. He refrained from shouting in the hopes the Germans won't be looking out for anything suspicious.

No such luck. The moment several smoke grenades exploded they opened fire into the open field. Not stopping until the smoke cleared up. Then more smoke grenades went off and they started firing again with a longer delay than before.

The smoke cleared and no bodies were in the middle of the field.

More smoke bombs went off and this time the Germans held fire. They saw no movement in the shadows and only when the smoke was nearly gone they started firing up again. Thinking they might pass in the moment of confusion.

"What are they doing?" Lipton whispered next to Dick.

"I have no idea."

Another five or six smoke bombs went off and now the Krauts were blasting a full hundred percent at it again. This time not even stopping until all their weapons clicked through the lasts bullets.

"AUFLADEN!" They heard several screams and that's when several men burst from the tree lines with big packs on their back.

"AUFLADEN! AUFLADEN!"

"NOW! NOW! NOW!" Dick and his Division immediately opened covering fire to get their guys to the other side.

"SCHIEßEN! SCHIEßEN! FEUER!"

Another smoke bomb exploded. They were nearly there. One man got shot but with the help of a buddy crawled into the treeline. Another one got hit and fell down. One guy halted to feel quickly for a pulse and then instead of running for cover started to work of the backpack of the dead body. Another smoke grenade covered the idiotic but brave man and when he finally yanked the backpack off, he threw it over his first one and barreled to safety as quickly as possible.

No surprise that man was Nixon. They saw one another. Lew was looking so determined and anxious and then he went down. Not even two meters from their trench.

Dick heard him groan and the world went red for a second.

"COVER ME!" Another smoke grenade was thrown and he flung himself over the edge. Staying as close to the floor as possible and grabbing for Nix's outstretched hand.

"PULL ME IN!"

Luz, Roe, and Lipton pulled his ankles and with loud grunts and two more men joining them, Nixon and Winters got pulled to safety. With the two packs.

"That was some crazy ass shit." Luz whistled. Some of the others chuckled nervously. Catching onto the tension at once. Dick was breathing so hard. His hands were shaking. Others could see but no one said a thing. Waiting for the shoe to drop.

"I got you the damn supplies." Nix finally broke the tense silence. He slipped the backpacks off and let them thump to the floor. "I can't help it if I'm really clumsy and trip over my own fucking feet trying to make a run for it."

Major Winters snarled and crawled a couple of meters further so he could stand and strode off. Away from the trench. From the open field, he almost saw Nixon die on. Again.

"Dick!" Nix shouted, halting the Major effectively in his bout of rage.

They were standing in between their men and their face-off lasted for several uncomfortable seconds.

"What's happening here, eh?" Liebgott whispered.

"Nixon disobeyed a direct order from Winters. Their friendship's already laying in shambles after Haguenau so we're watching what'll happen." Webster replied.

"Winters already had enough shit to swallow down from Nixon."

"Aye." Several heads nodded.

"You." Dick breathed out lowly while pointing at Nixon. "Disobeyed me. Went around my back to Sink knowing he doesn't know how it is here in the field. Risked your lives against my orders. Why?"

"Some men offer their wives flowers when they want to apologize. I offer my Major supplies." Nixon tried to joke his serious offense off.

Dick just snapped. His right hook caught Lewis right in the jaw. The man went down rather ungracefully before being lifted back up again by the lapels of his uniform. Blood trickled out of his mouth corner. Winters had one mean right hook.

Winters followed the blood down his chin with a mesmerized look. His face turned horrified when he realized what he had done. And in front of his men no less.

"You are suspended until further notice." Dick hissed.

He let go of Lew and turned around again. He needed to get further away from him. He needed a moment.

Nixon wiped off the blood and with a determined look went after his friend until both of them were out of sight - from their men - between the trees.

"Don't follow me!" Dick shouted. Nixon didn't halt his pursuit.

"I said: Don't. Follow. Me." the redhead growled then turned and slammed the shorter man up against a tree. "You won't like me when I'm like this. You better not be around to see."

"See that the real Richard Winters has a nasty temper? I can handle those. Just like I can handle this." And Lew pointed at his rapidly bruising jaw. "Go on then. Hit me. Shout at me. Do whatever the hell you want!"

"I'M NOT YOUR FATHER, LEW!"

Nix reared back as if slapped.

"How did you... I never told you... Shut up!"

" _Now_ you want me to shut up?? After pulling _everything_ from me? Enjoying every piece of information you scavenged against my will about me and then continued doing so while rubbing it all in my face?"

"I'm glad you're not my father. Because I hope to God I would never try this with him." Lew growled before meeting Dick's chapped lips with his own.

Winters pulled his head back with a snap. Eyes wide with shock. Then they darkened until there was no more blue in sight.

"Major Winters?" A voice shouted from afar. "There's radio contact!"

The two men jumped apart. Both breathing heavily and pants tight.

"I'll be there in a second!"

Then Dick turned to Lewis. "This conversation is not over yet. Your timing is atrocious and you're still suspended."

"Suck my dick." Was all Lew flippantly replied.

"Be careful what you ask for." Winters panted against Nix' cheek, suddenly their bodies were back close again. "For I might."

* * *

Three weeks of helping the survivors back to their feet and back to their homes. Three weeks since he lifted the suspension from Nixon. Six weeks since the battle over the border. Six weeks since they kissed for the first time. Six weeks since they talked about that _something_ hanging in between them. Dick had wanted to open the subject but then Landsberg happened and the time had not seemed right. Not after seeing such atrocities. So much pain and suffering. Compared to that was Dick's unrequited matter of the heart a cakewalk.

Nixon had been watching him. They've both been acting as normal as possible. Like before Haguenau minus all the touching. God, Winters never even noticed how much they used to touch until they suddenly didn't anymore. Always watching. Waiting for the green light no doubt. His alcoholism taking a turn for the worst in the meantime.

You could almost cut the tension.

Good news arrived and they would be taking the Eagle's Nest. A personal triumph for the US Military and more something of a parade tour than anything else. The coast was clear again to start dreaming and imagining a future.

One day out of Berchtesgaden, the two men finally had a moment for their own.

"They offered me another promotion if I wanted to lead another mission in Japan," Dick spoke out loud.

"And will you take it?"

"I don't know. Will I, Lew? We never did have _that talk_ now, did we?"

Lewis' eyes shifted around the room. The others were all out having fun with the local - desperate - German girls or in a bed found in one of the many bedrooms of their temporary residence.

"What if I said I wanted to have this conversation in the privacy of one of the most remote bedrooms there is to find in this place?"

Dick gulped loudly.

"You have a place in mind, Nix?"

"The top floor is completely free. I told them you wanted it for yourself."

"What about you?"

"They'll probably think I'll be passed out somewhere from drinking." Lew bitterly replied.

Winters touched Nix's hand briefly in understanding but Lew pulled away.

"Wait 'til we're upstairs." And lead the way.

They slowly made their way up the stairs. Dick's heart was nearly beating out of his chest. His hands were sweaty on the wooden railing and he couldn't keep his eyes from Nixon's back.

Lewis locked the door to the upper landing behind them. Leaving the whole hallway with eight doors free in front of them.

"You do the right. I'll do the left."

Every door, every room got inspected for other people. Every room they left they locked and took the key with them.

The last room on the left had a big window but no chance of any other house or tower looking in. It wasn't above another bedroom so there wouldn't be any... Noise disturbance.

The walls were purple, with purple and white lined pillows and blankets. The floorboard creaked softly but not too much. Dick let his eyes rest on the heavy armoir at the shadowed side of the room. A big mirror hung in front of it. He opened the armoir, looked inside and closed the furniture off. He looked at himself in the mirror and noticed Lewis looking over his shoulder.

"Now talk." Nixon said.


	10. PART III - Chapter Two - To See The Passing Of The Dying Year

"I.. I don't know where to start."

"Start by telling me what you want," Lew said, turned around and sat on the side of the high bed.

Dick remained silent. His sharp gaze following every tiny movement Nixon made.

"Do you want me?"

"I do." Winters confessed while taking a step closer towards the bed.

"I want to give you what you want."

"Why?"

"Why did you throw yourself in front of me when that Kraut opened fire?"

"I don't believe we're standing here because of the same reasons." Dick slowly replied.

Lew stood up from the bed and efficiently stripped off his clothes. The redhead's mouth ran dry and he just watched not about to stop his best friend from getting naked.

His thumbs hooked in his briefs when Nix looked back up again at Dick.

"This reason enough for you?" Before dropping those too. Revealing his already half-mast erection before crawling backward upon the bed. Finally resting in the middle of it. His eyes never leaving Dick's. Holding him.

Before Winters realized what he was doing his eyes roved over the naked spread out body in front of him but still he hesitated.

"You can only tempt a man in the desert so many times with a glass of water, Lew."

"I'm inviting you to take a sip." His right hand softly trailing down his chest and combing through the happy trail leading downwards.

"Nix, I need to hear you say it."

"Look at you. How many times must I offer myself? And yet you refrain with your damn iron-willed self-control."

Dick's hands tightened by his sides. His frustration was slipping through and he so much wanted to reach out and enjoy the Nixon banquet.

"Do you really think I would do this if I didn't want this? I want you, Dick. Have me, please. That what you want to hear?"

"I can't tell if you're lying. You're too good at it."

"Then you better catch me out before I chicken out." And Lew spread his legs the tiniest bit further in invitation.

Dick's control gave way and his hands flew to the buttons of his shirt.

"I don't want you to regret this." He nearly stammered while yanking off his belt. Dropping it on the floor next to his coat and hand weapon holder.

"I won't. But you might."

The redhead's hands froze for a moment before resuming. Wisely not reacting to Lew's comment before toeing off his boots and then halting again at the top of his pants.

"I'm not... I'm not like you." The flush was embarrassing in its own right but right now a lighthouse could take lessons from him with the flare Dick felt spreading over his body.

Lew bemusedly lifted an eyebrow waiting for further explanation.

"Like that." Winters hoarsely said with a short glance towards Nix's cross.

"You got two of them down there or what?" Lew grinned making Dick roll his eyes.

"You gonna disappoint me by showing me you're not a real redhead?"

"Shut up, Lewis. I'm not circumcised like most. Is that... Is that a problem?"

"Nah, even better. There's even more Dick for me to cover."

That had Winters coughing in surprise. Both laughter and outrage making its way up.

"Now lose the briefs and get over here, you idiot."

With another deep breath - as if he was about to go into battle - Dick revealed himself fully and determinedly strode to the side of the bed before sitting down. Trying not to feel embarrassed by his hard penis jumping with every beat of his heart.

"You're eager." Lew lasciviously smirks.

Winter's only reply was laying his hand flat in the middle of Nix's chest. Feeling the wildly thumping heart beneath and feeling reassured he was not the only one who was panicking with this development.

"You sure?"

Nixon surged up off the bed to crash their mouths together in reply. His hands pulling at the short red hair and swallowing every moan Dick made.

Dick's hands were suddenly clutching the blankets before he realized he could touch and then snatched them off the cloth to grip his best friend tight.

"Lew." he whispered in between gasps, moans, and intense kisses.

Nixon pulled Dick on top of him, making both men cry out when their hard cocks touched, and then he threw back his head to give the enthusiastic major more places to kiss and suck on.

Lew's heart stuttered when Winters pulled their hands together on either side of Lewis's head. Fingers entwined in a rare romantic and tender gesture between them. And when Dick groaned lowly at the side of neck he furiously had to blink back tears before Winters noticed.

It took a while before he realized Dick was whispering the same thing over and over again.

"Wha...?" Nix muttered.

"Show me, Lew. Show me." Their eyes met for a moment and Lew nodded when seeing the insecurity laid bare inside the blue ones.

"Sure, Dick. Sure. Lay back. Let me make you feel good."

Dick made place for Nixon to lift himself up so they could switch places and then flattened himself on the bed. Baring himself completely, hands trembling by his sides and his eyes so fucking clear. Lew could almost kill himself with how much he didn't deserve the full trust - Dick held for him - looking back up at him.

The dark haired man nosed the side of Winters' neck. His hands splayed out and running up and down Dick's sides. Calming him. Soothing him because the man was trembling and probably didn't even notice.

"What do you want me to do? You want me to kiss you real long and slow? Lick every piece of skin of your body? Huh?"

" _Lew_." Dick could only empathically moan.

"I could rub us off together or put you in my mouth. You'd like that, won't you, sweetheart?"

"Lew, _please_."

"Or..." Nix's voice turned dark, "You want me to spread you out? Open you up real nice with spit, fingers, and my tongue?"

Dick keened. Chest puffed out and his cock started to leak a steady stream of precum.

"That's what you want, don't you? Let me fuck you so you can feel me tomorrow. All the while letting me say these filthy things to you. Making you lose your fucking mind."

Winters incredulously looked at his friend. Shocked by the bold desires he was projecting. His sharp pants filled the sudden too silent room.

"I need you to tell me. What'll it be, Dick?"

" _Christ_ , Lew! All of it! I don't know!"

Nixon's hand slowly slid down the long leg, hoisting up the firm thigh over his hip and gliding closer towards Dick's backside. Their dog tags clinking together in between them.

"I think I'm gonna leave my mark inside you, Dick. I shouldn't but I'm an asshole and selfish like that. I need to have you."

Dick's eyes turned sad but he kept his mouth shut. Pressing his backside into Lew's hand to wordlessly agree to whatever action Nix decided to take.

Few words were spoken after that and it took both men less time than expected to figure out where everything had to go.

Lew kissed away the couple tears that escaped Dick's eye corners when he breached him.

"Fuck, Dick. You're so fucking tight. You need to relax." Nix whispered with a strangled voice.

Winters tried to even his breath. The preparation having barely caused any discomfort but Lew entering inside him felt as if he was being split in two.

"We should've used something more than spit." Lew groaned between Dick's shoulder blades. "I'm sorry. Do you want me to stop?"

" _No_." Dick choked. "Together. All the way." He grunted out while searching for Lew's hand. Lew noticed and clasped both hands together.

"Always, buddy. Always."

When he finally bottomed out both men didn't dare to move for a very long time.

"You okay?" Nix whispered.

Dick's face was turned away from him so Lew pretended he didn't notice the tiny shakes wracking his friend's body indicating he was softly crying and trying to keep it hidden.

When the shakes didn't stop after a couple of minutes Nix felt like he needed to say something and cleared his throat so Dick knew he was about to talk and needed his attention.

"If I knew it would hurt you so much, I wouldn't have..."

"No." Dick interrupted. His voice like gravel with emotion and pain. "The pain's manageable. It's... This is what I've always wanted. With you."

Lew was speechless and could only kiss every piece of skin his mouth could reach in their position to convey how he was feeling about that.

"I think I'm ready for you to move, Lew."

So he did. They did. Together. Like everything. First slow and hesitatingly but after a while, Dick's physical arousal returned with a vengeance and he started pressing back in their spooned position making Nixon choke whenever the redhead clenched down.

Shaking and gasping their movements grew wilder.

"Promise you won't go to Japan." Lew suddenly moaned next to Dick's ear. "I don't want anything to happen to you."

"I won't. I won't."

"You should finish business school. Get that damn farm of your dreams and be happy." Nix hissed through his teeth. The hand clenching Dick's hip, letting go of it and slipping to the front of Winters' body and grabbing a hold of the throbbing uncircumcised cock there. He pulled at it several times and felt Dick starting to stiffen.

"Promise me. Promise me, Dick. And I'll let you come." Was the passionate plea against the flushed neck in front of Lewis.

"I promise. I promi... Oh, God! Lew! Lew!" His whole body had started shivering before he gave a loud shout and then Dick slumped back upon the bed. Black spots swam in front of his eyes and it was difficult to remember how he had managed to breathe until that moment.

Nixon kept his thrusts going until Dick fell back into him and then he waited for a moment before resuming more carefully and slower than before.

Dick let out soft 'ah ah ah' with every push and pull in and out. His nerves oversensitive but not completely yet satisfied.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." Nix finally let out and rode out his orgasm deep inside his friend before gingerly extracting himself. When he slipped out Winters grunted at the loss but otherwise didn't speak.

Slowly, waiting for Dick to say something, Lew pulled up the blankets over them both and settled back in.

Not a word came forth. Their breathing evened out.

* * *

Dick slowly stirred. His eyes fluttered open and familiarized themselves with the bright sunlight streaming into the room.

"Not a sight I've seen often." Came from the window.

The redhead blinked and watched his friend sitting by the open window. Enjoying an early cigaret with the sunrise. The fresh air streamed in with a touch of smoke.

"Seeing your superior..." Winters searched for words.

"All fucked out?"

Dick blushed when the memories of last night came rushing back in.

"You can say it, Dick. But no. I meant me awake before you. Not something that happens a lot."

"Yesterday was... Taxing." Dick finally admitted.

"Speaking about yesterday?" Lew inhaled deeply before continuing, smoke slowly leaving his nose, "How do you feel? Physically?"

"I'm fine. I think."

"Try sitting."

Dick did so with a loud hiss and a wince, making Lew laugh out loud at his discomfort.

"You better make sure the men won't notice or you'll never live it down."

A withering glare got shot his way before Dick tried making his way over to his clothes on the floor. Slowly shuffling and with soft groans, he dressed. Promising himself to wash up after breakfast before something soaked through his pants...

"Today off to the Eagle's Nest."

"Yeah," Dick replied. Why was it suddenly so awkward? The tension was even worse than before they tumbled into bed.

"I'll see you at breakfast." Nix broke the silence before passing by the redhead. Dick's hand shot out to halt him. Unflinchingly Lew looked at him. Waiting.

Dick kissed the shorter man softly. Just a peck.

And Lew left.

They didn't talk about last night or if it might even happen again and it was with a stone in his stomach Dick gave out the orders of today. Their distance as usual but nonetheless feeling even wider than before.

* * *

"Why did you show me as one of the first that wine cellar?"

"It was a..."

"Gift. Yeah, I know. But why do you do this?"

"Do what, Nix?"

"Be such a kind guy."

"I only wanted to give you something nice."

"I don't deserve nice, Dick."

* * *

Their company was getting happier by the day. After more painful casualties the war finally came to a close. Lewis and Dick hadn't had personal time together since before the Eagle's Nest and they didn't talk about it. They just enjoyed the peace time and the fact that they could dream again about a future.

Dick decided it was time to revisit that topic again for the both of them. Nix wasn't jumping to do that but nodded his head when Winters signaled to follow him out of the room.

In silence, they made their way to the lake where they had a swim a couple of days ago. The first thing they discussed were several of their men with not enough point to go home and where they could transfer them so they would be spared another war on the other side of the world.

When that topic was exhausted another long silence came in between them. Dick sighed loudly and looked over the lake. Glad for the shade and the fresh summer breeze making its way into the season.

"Nix." he started.

"Yeah, I know."

Lew took another swig of his hip flask. Dick was already regretting bringing so much booze under the nose of his friend. His alcoholism only growing worse with the hour but what else could he have offered the man? And who was he to deny him one of his few joys and ways to escape the bitter reality.

"I could come with you."

"No. Not at once. I have to do a few things first. You have to visit your mother."

"Okay. But we'll see each other soon again after we step off the boat?"

"Time flies."

Dick nodded content. It'll all work out.

"Spend the last night on the boat with me."

"What if others..."

"You have a private cabin as a Major. I'll come to you late at night."

"Do I have any say about my own cabin?"

"Nope," Lew said, stood up and brushed off his pants. "You should've stopped me at your footlocker."

Dick barked out a laugh. Glad to see his old friend back again after days of drinking.

* * *

Dick's hands were sweaty. Knees nervously jumping up and down and once again he stood up from the bed to pace from one end of the tiny cabin to the other sides. The walls were paper thin. This was madness but he was too desperate to put a stop to this. Too late anyway. His door peeped open and he heard the lock turn behind him.

Winters turned around to face his friend.

"You can tell me to fuck off, you know," Lew whispered.

"Have I ever said no to you?" Dick softly replied and held out the tube he had been keeping in his pants for the last three hours.

"Where did you find that?"

They both eyed the tube of Vaseline in the redhead's trembling hand.

"Does it matter?"

"No." And then Lew took three long steps and pressed their bodies together. Fusing their mouths over one another. Winters could taste the Vat 69 on Nix's tongue but he felt drunk already.

Frantically clothes got pulled off and thrown around before they both fell on the bed. Legs tangled and breathless moans mapping out sweat slicked skin.

"How's this?" Nixon breathed before kissing the nobs of Dick's spine from bottom to top. Fingers coated in Vaseline opening up his friend's ass after eating it out for the last twenty minutes.

Winters bit even harder in his pillow. Hands fisted around the rods of his tiny bed.

After sliding out three fingers in and out with ease, Lewis spread another coat over his cock before lining up.

"Not a sound." He softly spoke with a grin around his lips before lifting Dick's hips even higher. "'Cus I'm gonna fuck you so hard, we're lucky the bed's stuck to the floor on this damn iron floating contraption and you can't make a noise. Understood?"

The redhead whimpered and that was all Lew needed before thrusting his way in on one go. Pelvis to ass. Balls slapping against balls. Dick's thighs were straining and quivering and another slam had him crying out in the pillow. Luckily muffled enough not to raise any alarm.

"You feel _soooo_ good." Nixon groaned lowly before fucking his best friend into the mattress.

Winters went off at the first touch on his cock and after Lewis finished, they started all over again.

Not a piece of skin went untouched. Unkissed. And at the end of a sleepless night, they fell into a slight slumber.

"I love you." Dick murmured tiredly into Nixon's sternum and promptly fell asleep after that. He probably hadn't even meant to confess to it that explicitly but sex and emotions would do that to a man as controlled as Major Winters.

Lew shortly followed with a sad smile playing on his lips.


	11. PART III - Chapter Three - Kind Time May Many Joys Renew

He was falling and just before his back hit the ground he woke up with a jump. Heart pounding Winters felt his stomach lurch and quickly sat up on the bed.

"Lew?" Dick asked from where he was recovering from his nightmare.

Nix's shoulders stiffened while he was trying to soundlessly pack his things and dress. Something was wrong.

"We've arrived." The redhead stated.

No answer.

"You didn't wake me."

"I left you tickets on the bedside table."

"Tickets?"

"To go back home."

"When will we see each other again?" Something was horribly wrong.

"Dick..."

"You're leaving." The cold realization slowly set in. "Why are you leaving me?"

"You didn't honestly think this could lead somewhere?"

"After everything we've been through, Lew?"

"This... This is not healthy, Dick! I can't make you happy! Not the way that I am now!"

"But you did! You did make me happy!"

"Well, it's not enough! I need time to deal with shit and I can't have you there for that."

"So you left me tickets to go back home. Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am?" Dick bitterly spoke. Suddenly all too aware of his nakedness he grabbed the first thing that lay close to him to cover himself.

"Two times a quick roll in the hay does not a relationship make." Lew spat. Watching Winters' heart die through the smothering betrayal in those blue eyes. Dick's hands were trembling.

"You can't do this." The redhead whispered. Looking at his own shaky hands he could swallow past the desperation clawing its way out. "You can't."

"Watch me."

"You told me I might regret this."

Nix's hand rested on the door handle to hear what else Dick had to say.

"I still don't regret a thing, Lew."

Nixon looked back over his shoulder and met those two familiar eyes.

"I do. Give it some time and you'll forget about all of this. Goodbye, Dick."

The door closed.

Dick wanted to scream. Rage. Follow Lew and shake some sense in the man but he could only numbly lift up the envelope on his bedside table and stare at it. The pain to immense to deal with, he did what he did best.

His face turned smooth as a lake.

* * *

Edith's hand flew to her mouth when she looked through the window. She had been soaping up some dishes when a silhouette in the distance caught her eye. The speck grew bigger and bigger to finally reveal her son in the dying sunlight.

"ETHEL! JIMMY! Richard's home! Richard!" She screamed and ran all the way to the porch, flew down the steps and flung her arms around her only son.

"Hello, mother." Dick smiled into the gray hair. His heart finally calming down after hours and hours spent brooding. He was home again and he took a deep breath. Smelling the comforting blossoming apple orchards down the road and the drying hay in the barn.

Soon Ethel and Jimmy were there too. Ethel hadn't even put on her shoes and Jimmy was covered in sweat in his dungarees before they threw themselves at the two hugging persons in front of the house. The group didn't let go for a long while after that.

When the sniffles died down, Edith let go of her son to watch him and she frowned. Worrying lines had appeared on his face and his eyes had aged considerably.

"You're too thin. What did they feed you in the army?" Was the first thing she decided to say and the familiarity of it made all four of them choke up again before leading Dick into the house.

* * *

Worrying - as only a mother could - Edith watched her son from her rocking chair on the porch. He was tinkering away on their old tractor again since early that morning. He had barely spoken a word and when Jimmy had asked about the war, her boy had clammed right up. They all understood shortly after that, that questions about the war would not be answered.

All in its good time. Richard would talk when he was ready to talk. And Edith had patience.

Four days since his return and she noticed him sometimes staring off into the distance or his sharp blue eyes gazing around the room before entering. The way he never complained and always sat back up straight. How when he talked to her, Richard stood in parade rest and when the pastor came to welcome him back he snapped back to attention.

Her son had changed. All of their sons who came back from the war had changed. Now came the time to let the passing of the days heal all of their wounds. The war wasn't easy on anyone.

Two weeks later Dick brought up taking classes in business again after the summer and his mother readily agreed to that. Maybe that would bring the spark back in him.

Christmas came close and her son only turned sadder. He woke before the sun. Worked the farm. Ate breakfast and worked again until teatime. After that, he took their old car he had  fixed to town so he could take his evening classes. He always returned just in time for a late dinner and then sat down with his school books or the bookkeeping from the farm in front of the fireplace until they all had gone to bed.

Day after day.

* * *

"What's this, mother?"

"I made you a meal on the go. So you don't have to hurry back after classes for dinner."

"Why?"

"I thought it would be nice if you had some time in town. Jimmy can take over from you in the morning. I want you to have some fun tonight, dear."

Ethel opened her mouth later that night but closed it quickly after a sharp look from Edith when Richard came back home again at the usual time. Opened his wrapped meal and joined them to eat in silence.

Her boy was suffering and that's when Edith did something she promised she wouldn't do."

"How is it going with your friend, Lewis Nixon?"

Dick's knife slipped over his plate making a loud screeching noise before lifting his head and boring his eyes into those of his mother.

Sometimes he scared them when he got like this, but this time no one would let it rest.

"Yeah, have you written him? Didn't he live in New York?"

Dick cleared his throat. Then cleared it again before he could utter a word.

"He... He returned to his family. I think."

"Oh, honey." His mother softly spoke. She knew all too well what that meant and finally she understood why her sweet hardworking son was acting even more humble than before.

Dick covered his eyes with one hand. Resolutely looking down.

"I'm sorry, Rickie. What happened?" Ethel spoke gently and put her hand soothingly on top of his next to his plate. All three of them patiently waited for Dick to react to that question. They all knew about Richard's preference for men and the letters he had sent home hadn't kept his affection for Lewis in secret for long. Soon Edith had been asking more about the young man and the letters that returned to her grew only longer and longer. It seemed as if there wasn't enough paper in the world to describe Lewis Nixon. More than six months home and it was the first time his name was mentioned. Dropped like a bomb.

"He left." Dick hoarsely spoke. Then abruptly with a snap, he snatched his hands back and pushed himself away from the table. Turning his chair a quarter to the left before covering his face with his hands. Elbows leaning on his knees. Back hunched they could all see the shocks wracking his spine.

"He left me." He choked out. "He left me." Came the pitiful repetition.

Food forgot the two women jumped up and kneeled next to the broken man. Jimmy blinked his own tears away and started clearing off the table while Edith and Ethel comforted Dick.

"I confessed to him after he pushed my buttons for so long and then he seemed to return my feelings. We shared... We shared a moment and then when we docked in New Jersey, he told me he left me tickets to get back home and that we were through."

"Have you heard anything from him since?"

"No. No. And I'm not contacting him."

Ethel kissed Dick's forehead and pushed his hands away. She pressed her clean handkerchief in his hands and watched how he dabbed his reddened eyes dry.

"You're not alone. You can talk to us." His mother murmured.

"I know. But that's what he always wanted. He wanted me to talk and then he broke my heart. I don't think I can... I just can't deal with this properly."

"We're so glad you told us." Ethel said and with a meaningful glance at Jimmy they both helped the tired man out of his chair. "You take a long bath and I'll bring up some tea. Get an early night. It won't do any harm."

Dick sleepily nodded and agreed a bath would help him. Especially after his extreme emotional outburst.

Before he went to bed he came to apologize to them. Telling it won't happen again. Before they could react that it was no problem and that he could tell them these things, he turned and left for bed.

Ethel and Edith had a long night for once.

* * *

"Was it the mailman?" Dick's mother asked when he stepped into the kitchen.

"Yes. But you know that. I saw you watching us through the window." The redhead smiled.

"What did he bring?"

Dick sighed. "Bills, bills, a postcard from Ethel's friend from her former school and more bills. Are you expecting something?"

"No, just curious."

* * *

"No reply yet, auntie Edith," Jimmy spoke after braving the cold to get to the mailbus.

* * *

Spring came back into the land. Their winter spent quietly in preparation for the pruning time and Edith was slowly giving up hope when Ethel ran into the kitchen. Waving a letter over her head.

Dick entered from the other room and watched both women leaning over the envelope.

"Something happened?"

"No!" They both said.

His eyebrow went up in question.

"My friend Prudence wrote again," Edith said.

"Prudence?"

"Didn't I tell you about Prudence? When you went off to war I reacted to this article in the newspapers. It was about mothers and their sons who went off to war. There came a reply and since then Prudence and I've been writing back and forth." His mother rambled off.

Dick kept his gaze upon them both for a couple of icy seconds before he shrugged.

"Sounds fun. First time she writes since I've been home, though."

"Her son came back from the war. Maybe she's been busy with him. Adjusting, you know." Ethel spoke up.

"I do know." The redhead finally murmured and dropped the subject at once.

* * *

"Prudence replied!" Dick yelled into the house. "It's on the counter!"

He slammed the door back closed behind him and heard feet clatter off the stairs.

* * *

One day his mother seemed to have been crying. He didn't ask but did wonder. The next week she was smiling brilliantly, though, so he had to ask.

"It was nothing, honey. Prudence had some bad news about her son, but everything's better now. Thank you for asking."

"If she is such a good friend, I don't see why she can't come visit us."

Edith nodded with a slight smile.

* * *

Heat was beating down his back but Dick grits his teeth and worked on. He had seen much worse circumstances. And he'd rather have the heat than the cold. Freezing toes made him think back off Bastogne and sharing foxholes.

The end of summer was nearing and he had been building crates to put their apples in once the harvest would start.

"Rickie!" Jimmy shouted from several yards away. "Auntie wanted me to tell me P. is coming over next week!"

Five minutes later had Dick in the house.

"You invited her next week? When we have to start harvesting? Is that such a good idea?"

"I think so. You did say she was welcome to visit."

"I did, but preparations for the farm and for her visit..." Dick trailed off. Worrying his bottom lip. He didn't know if he could handle more people than he had to see especially during the busiest season.

"It'll be fine, Richard. I'll help your mother. Everything will be prepared and we still can get extra help from Jimmy's friend down the road."

"Then no further objections, your Honour."

Ethel swatted at him.

* * *

"Comb your hair, Richard. Jimmy tuck your shirt away."

"You would almost believe the First Lady came to visit instead of a friend," Jimmy muttered while tucking away the offending end of his shirt.

Dick sighed and did what his mother bid. He hasn't seen her this excited since he came back from Europe. Even Ethel had dressed up nicely. The house had been deep cleaned. Fresh flowers in every room and their famous Winters apple pies were cooling on the window sill.

It was nearing tea time and per instructions, in the letter, a car pulled up into their long driveway. The model was sleek and shiny and the redhead wondered how rich that old lady was to have her own private chauffeur because he could clearly see two shapes sitting in the black vehicle.

"Let's go outside and meet." His mother suddenly spoke up. Her voice shaking with nerves and with slightly guilty glances towards her son, she herded them outside right on time to see the car park in front of their home.

The chauffeur got out and ran to the other side of the car to open the door. It took a while for the person to step out and Dick almost stepped forward to help the elderly lady out of the car when his heart stopped.

His eyes following the person stepping out the car and walking around to meet with his family.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. E." He said. "Ethel. Jimmy." He nodded. "Dick."

Lewis Nixon was looking good. The tiredness had disappeared around his eyes. He was thinner in general and dressed up in a sharp dark blue suit that complimented his skin. Dick remained frozen until he felt Ethel elbow him in the side.

"Prudence." He choked out in greeting. His eyes flicked towards the two guilty women beside him before returning to the man in front of him.

"Wondered how long it would take for you to figure that out."

"Just now." Dick lowly murmured.

"Let Jimmy take your bags, Mr. Nixon." Edith interrupted the tense silence between the two men.

"Yes, thank you. And call me Lewis, Mrs. E. Like I've told you so many times before." Nix smiled and watched Jimmy help the chauffeur with his luggage. "You can return next week, Bertie."

"Yes, Sir." the older man replied and took off again. Leaving Lewis Nixon and his bags standing on their lawn. Stared at by the Winters family.

Smooth lake surface. Air out his thoughts.

"Offer him a hand, Richard," Edith said again but Dick didn't move.

"That's alright, Mrs. E. I'll take care of it. The only hand Dick's wanna offer me is a deserved punch to the face."

"Rickie wouldn't." Ethel smiled.

"He would."

"I would."

Both men replied at the same time.

Dick inhaled loudly and took one step forward. His hands indeed clenching tightly to suppress his desire to hit Nix. The others froze but Lew had the audacity to steadily look at Winters as if daring him to throw the first punch in front of his own family.

The redhead growled angrily and turned away. He needed to cool down and be away from everyone.

* * *

"So the idiot threw himself on top of me after getting shot. Hasn't he told you this story?"

"Richard doesn't speak of his time in the army. Another cup of tea, Lewis?"

Dick halted in front of the screen door before righting his shoulders and stepping inside.

"Yes, please. Thank you."

The others pretended Dick hadn't just walked in the room - bringing a shit load of tension with him - and only acknowledge his presence by filling up a new cup for him to drink.

The man of the house slowly pulled off his working gloves before slowly folding himself into the last remaining empty chair.

"Lew was just telling us about your bravery, Rickie! You didn't tell me you were such a big shot in the army! And a hero!" Jimmy excitedly blabbed. His eyes full of awe when looking at the man that took him in.

"I wouldn't believe anything he said without checking my facts first, Jimmy."

"So you didn't catch two bullets for him? Or got promoted during battle? Took over those machine guns with your divisions?"

The others were silent. Waiting for Winters to accept or deny the claims made by Lewis.

"It all sounds rather more glamorous than it really was when you say it like that."

"I can't believe you didn't tell them anything about what really happened in Europe after we jumped, Dick," Nix spoke.

"I'll take a piece to my room." Dick said, stood up, grabbed a plate with a piece of pie and went upstairs.

* * *

"Your mother says it's time to come in."

"Does she? Can't let Mrs. E. wait, can we." Dick grumbled around two nails while wrestling with another one of the many crates he had been putting together.

"Need a hand?" Nix took a step closer.

"Don't." The redhead warned. "I wouldn't come any closer. I'm holding a hammer and nails and am very distraught by your presence."

"I couldn't tell with your face smooth as rock once more."

"I had time to practice since the moment you closed the door behind you, Nixon." Dick snapped.

"Your mother invited me to stay for two weeks."

That stopped the taller man in his tracks. He couldn't cope with that information for a moment.

"So you can't ignore me for two weeks long, Dick."

"Two weeks, two meaningless tumbles in the hay. What's the difference? All quickly forgotten."

"Something tells me you haven't forgotten a thing. Nor have I."

"So you came back to... What exactly? Torment me some more? Rub your good health and wealth in my face?"

"You didn't sign up for Japan."

"I made a promise! Something you ought to learn how to do!" Winters snapped at him and threw the now completely messed up crate against the wall. Seeing it splinter into pieces brought a short moment of satisfaction to the redhead. "You should've stayed away, Lew! But wait! I actually shouldn't be surprised! I'm used to you going around my back to someone with power to make things happen they don't know - pardon my language - a damn about!"

Nix grinned.

"Shut up!"

"I didn't say anything."

"I should hate you."

"You still love me."

"Is that what's it called nowadays?? You can have it! It's nothing but pain and bitterness and loneliness and you took it all!" Two other crates followed the first in a great swing.

"I want to explain."

"AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR!" Dick roared. "It's too late! You've talked enough for a lifetime! This is my home you're invading! My life! My..."

"Your heart I'm breaking again?"

Dick furiously shouldered his way past Nix without another word. Leaving the shorter man standing alone in the open door of the barn.

* * *

"I wrote to him." His mother said.

Dick looked up from his lesson's notes to watch her standing in the door opening to his bedroom.

"I know." He replied before returning his gaze to his notes. Nighttime had set in and he had heard them all helping Lew settle into the guest room.

"He didn't reply for a very long time, but when he did... I knew exactly what I had to do."

Dick hummed.

"Richard! Look at me when I'm speaking."

"Mom, with all due respect. I don't want to hear this."

"That's what he said you told him earlier this evening. That's why I brought you this."

She stepped inside and placed a beautifully carved wooden box in front of him. She took off the lid and he could easily read the elegant P. on every letter inside it.

He touched the letter at the top. There must've been thirty letters inside.

"Read them." And she softly pulled the door closed when she left.

* * *

Dick couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned but bits and pieces from different letters came floating back to the forefront of his mind. Especially the ones written in a crawling spidery and shaken font because of alcohol withdrawal. He had been so preoccupied with his own feelings that he hadn't even considered the fact he hadn't seen Lew take a swig of a bottle. Nor had he seen a wedding ring.

_Dear Mrs. Winters,_

_I don't know what your Richard told you, but I failed him. I failed him really bad and I realize all too well I do not deserve a man as good and pure as your son. I left him standing because it was all I felt like I could do at that moment._

_You see, it's like this. I haven't had a happy childhood. Been drinking since I was thirteen. Divorced with a kid I never see and here comes this farmboy from Pennsylvania. Listening to my pathetic stories and staying with me on the coldest of nights. Never judging. Never wavering in his loyalty. Always doing his duty._

_I want for your son to have something better. Something nice - like he would say - and evidently... That's not me. I had hoped to gather all my courage and confess this to him but I knew even this wouldn't keep him from having what he wanted the most. Me._

_So I decided I had to get better. I didn't want him to see me do it. I needed to do it on my own and without him always holding my hand, wanting to help and never judging. I've made some bad calls. I've relapsed and have never been faithful to any woman I've been with. However, I have been faithful to your son._

_The moment I left the boat I committed myself into one of the best clinics. For over six months I stayed there and drained myself of all the poison in my body. I honestly thought I couldn't do it and thought about killing myself. That's why I didn't want to get your son's hopes up. I rather have him hate me - for the asshole (pardon my language) that I am - and try to forget about me instead of mourn me for the rest of his life. Something I'm not deserving of._

_Once out the clinic, I put my affairs in order. Tried to reconnect with my son my ex never lets me see and got a job at my father's firm. We Nixon's are well off but I asked to work my way to the top. Honest hard work has never killed anyone and you should be very proud of Dick. He is the best example there is. Many a night during the war did he lose sleep to put in more paperwork. To demand better results. To comfort his men by staying up by their sides in freezing temperatures. I admire him so much I could hardly breathe in his presence._

_When I discovered how he felt about me, that was a tough bullet to swallow because how could Richard Winters want someone like me. I couldn't bind myself to him out of fear of disappointing him. But he would always forgive me and I could never forgive myself for being so selfish. Now I broke whatever trust there was between us. I've turned my life for the better and stayed states apart because I am too afraid to meet him._

_How could I ever explain? How can I even dare to think about asking his forgiveness? And isn't he better off without me? He should._

_I feel no shame in admitting that Richard - Dick - Winters was my best friend. My closest confidant. And the best man I ever had the fortune to meet. I thank God every day for making his acquaintance and knowing that somewhere out there Dick is making the world a better place just by existing. Maybe that's why we gravitated toward each other from the early start. A near perfect man vs. a fuck up like me._

_I thought about moving on. Hoping he would do the same. But I seem to can't move myself to even physically try to meet someone. And now you've written me a letter and I can't help but feel as if I've put my foot somehow between the door of your home. Should I barge in or should I stay out?_

_I'm signing this with the name of someone else so you can decide what you will do with this. Burn it for all I care. I've said my piece and will crawl back into the foxhole I never left between the people I don't like - all the while thinking about your son._

_Ever you servant,_

_P._

The first letter had Dick's heart hammering in his chest and eager he ripped open the next one. And the next. And the next.

_Dear Mrs. E,_

_How do you do? We've been writing for several months now and I still expect for the mail to turn up empty. I don't know what you want to achieve with this but am grateful for your short updates on Dick's life._

_I am glad to know he's doing well at school and that the business at home is thriving. He always spoke with such passion about wanting to go back to the country and finish his classes. Now he's actually doing it and I am filled with awe and pride even though I have no right to. I would love to thump him on the back and make some joke about him being perfect, but he never liked it when I did that. Maybe he unconsciously knew I've been putting him on a pedestal from day one. Never to take him down again._

_Thank you for asking me about my health. I am doing well. The tremors have almost completely stopped and I only need to take painkillers for the headaches. So the other medicines aren't necessary any longer. It's difficult, but it's progress. I never had much self-control to begin with and each passing day of the calendar brings me a short while closer to redemption. That's how I see it._

_After much pushing and prodding - thanks to my sis - I've been going to these sessions with this shrink in Chicago because that's where I stay now at the moment. They've been helping me cope with things from the war and I learned there I needed to start loving myself instead of hating. That's going rather slow, but it's a way to start. I don't actually dare to tell him about Dick. However, I told him about disappointing my best buddy and I confessed to writing letters to him (to you to be precise). He told me they were an excellent way to purge my frustrations and thoughts. So that's another thing I have to thank you for._

_You asked me for a picture of myself. In a fit of anger, after a fight with my father, I destroyed all my family photos. The only picture I have is the one of Dick and me. Fresh faced and optimistic. It's in a frame on my nightstand. To help me remind why I'm doing this. I made a copy of it and enclosed it with this letter. I hope it is what you wanted._

_Waiting impatiently for your next reply._

_Kind regards,_

_P._

And indeed under all the envelopes, at the bottom of the little wooden box, was their picture. Dick stared at it for ages and his fingers itched to read the next letter so he did. And the next one. And the next.

Some sentences had him chuckling. Others nearly crying. The things Nixon sometimes dared to write were outraging and he was embarrassed by the thought of his mother reading all these details about them. When the sun started to rise he reached the last one.

Too tired to keep open his eyes, Dick crawled into his bed after closing his door with the lock and held the crisp white envelope to his chest. It seemed as if Nixon had suffered as much - maybe even more - than he did in their time apart.

* * *

Around noon - freshly washed - Dick went down to the kitchen to find  Lewis there. Sitting at the table all alone.

"Your mother left with Ethel for town to do some shopping. At least, that's what she told me after telling me she gave you my letters and heard you turning on the pipes upstairs." Nix quietly said. A steaming mug of coffee in front of him.

"Jimmy?"

"To his friend. Some neighbor."

"Yeah, down the road."

"Yeah. There's coffee."

But Dick was already pouring himself a cup. Glad to see it was still warm. He turned and sipped from it while leaning against the kitchen counter. Watching Lew's back. The man hadn't turned. Showing trust in baring his unprotected back.

"I want you to read the last one to me. I haven't read it yet."

"Dick, I don't th..."

"Lew, please. I've made your bed, so now you have to lay in it." Winters repeated the words Nix had spoken years ago.

Nixon chuckled nervously. "Knew I owed you something."

Without much further ado, he turned around in his chair to face Dick and held out his hand expectantly. Dick placed the letter in his hand without actually touching each other.

Lew cleared his throat while opening the letter and with one last desperate look at the redhead he started reading.

_Dear Mrs. E,_

_With the preparations for my visit out of the way, there rests me only sleepless nights and nervous breakdowns. What shall I say? What shall I do? What if he wants me gone? I don't want to start no trouble._

_I remember how he looked after every time I hurt him. He can hide it so well with his face of stone, but I am an open book and can't handle if he keeps me out forever. So I've been pushing him ever since the moment I met him and he let me. Now I'm going to face him once more. Once more forcing him to deal with me but this time I don't want to force him to do anything. Only by your insistence am I doing this and secretly my own selfish desire to see him once more. To see if he's doing well. To enjoy seeing him. I can safely admit here that I find your son very attractive._

_If he demands me to leave. I will. If he wants to punch me - as is his right - you must let him. Those are the two scenarios I see happening but knowing Dick as I do. I know he will hide his real feelings. Keep it all inside once more. So he might treat me like I am but a piece of furniture or a visiting distant acquaintance and that's okay. He can do that. I can't be hurt any more than I am now. And I think I've already done too much damage with him that it can't worsen. Can it?_

_There will be one thing I must say to him in any case. Something I can no longer deny and he has the right to know. Something I must tell him and he can do with it whatever he wants._

_I love him._

_Until next week._

_P._

Lew didn't dare to look back up again.

"I want you to repeat that and look at me while you say it."

So Nix did.

"I love you. I've always loved you."

"You told me you thought you didn't know if you could love."

"I had never been in love before so it took me a while to figure it out."

"And by the time you figured it out you broke my heart and ran off to the other side of the country?"

Lew remained silent.

"What do you think can happen now?" Dick angrily asked.

"Evidently, asking your forgiveness here would be the wrong move. So I'll be on my way then."

Nix lifted himself out of the chair and made for the stairs.

"Wait! I didn't tell you to leave."

"Then what the fuck do you want, Dick!? I can't read shit on your face right now and I'm one hair away from starting to cry like some distressed teenage girl. So tell me whatever the fuck you really mean so I can be on my way and live my life in misery! I've said what I came for and it's not welcome anymore. I get it."

Winters closed in on Lewis and held him captive with his gaze.

"You love me?"

"I do. Fuck, yes, I do. How many times must I tell you?!"

"Enough to make you rhyme." Lew's eyes flicked to Dick's mouth.

"I've always been obsessed with the lines your mouth makes in your cheek when you smile."

"I've always had to refrain from wanting to sit on your lap whenever you slouched in your chair."

Their pupils were blown wide.

"I've always wanted to suck your cock or have you bend me over and take me against any wall." Lewis' eyes meaningfully slid to the wall next to him.

"I'm still having dreams about you." Dick stood even closer. They could smell the coffee on each others breath.

"Good ones, I hope?"

"The ones that leave me aching."

Lew slouched against the wall, Dick's hands coming up beside his head and he canted his hips forward.

"I've always loved the fact that you're taller than me. Towering over me. Dominating me. Barking out commands."

"Your filthy mouth." Winters admitted with a strangled voice. "Those fucking lips."

"They even make _you_ curse."

Their lips inches apart.

"Fuck yes, they do."

* * *

By the time they came up for air teatime had come and gone.

"Fuck these stairs are killing my back," Lew grumbled.

"Didn't hear you complain ten minutes ago," Dick answered.

"Yeah, you're all comfortable. Resting on top of me. I'm older than you, Dick."

"Barely one year. Don't exaggerate."

"Have you met me?" They both grinned when suddenly they heard voices coming up the lane.

The redhead's eyes widened comically in fear, making Lewis laugh out loud before a hand got slapped in front of his mouth and a sharp glance made his laughter die down.

Quickly - with some groaning - they jumped up and started putting up as much of their clothes at they could. Difficult to do when Nix realized the buttons of his shirt had popped all over the floor when Dick tore it open.

The screen door got unlocked.

"Richard, you home?"

"OUT WITH LEW!" Dick shouted and pulled Nix behind him to the backdoor so they could quickly slip out without being seen. They ran for it.

All the while madly laughing.

When they finally slumped down in a bay of hay in the deserted barn's attic Dick noticed the missing buttons on Lew's shirt and groaned loudly.

"There won't be hiding what we did when they find them," Nixon smirked.

Winters shrugged it off quicker than he thought he could. They were alone once more and his appetite had not been sated yet so with a pounce he was back on top of Lewis.

"Came back for more? Didn't had enough when we both fucked my fist thirty minutes ago?"

"I want to do more. The things you said." Dick admitted in between passionate kisses.

"I did promise you a roll in the hay, didn't I?"

"You didn't promise." Winters pulled back. His arousal quickly dying down. They both remembered the words Nixon had spoken on the boat.

"I told you that because I thought a clean break would do the trick. I never thought your feelings for me went that deep."

"As I told you before. As usual, your thoughts concerning the way I feel or think are wrong."

"I know that now. I'm sorry, Dick. I can never make this up to you, can I?"

The two men were silent for a while until the redhead spoke back up.

"You can promise."

"I'll promise whatever you want."

"I want you to promise to stay together."

"That want you want, Dick? Seeing my ugly mug for the rest of your days?"

"I do."

"Then I promise. I promise to stay with you for as long as you'll have me. I want to wake up next to you in the morning, steal your pancakes, laugh at your clumsiness and wish you good luck when you have an exam. I want to have dinner dates and baseball matches and going to the movies with you. I want to bring you iced tea on hot summer days and I want to share my body with you every night in the safety of our bedroom. I want to introduce you to my family as my best friend and one day when we'll be accepted by society, I want to scream my love from the rooftops for you. Marry you. Be buried next to you as we should've been in Europe. Always together. All the way."

"Lew," Dick whispered passed the hard to swallow lump in his throat.

"I love you, Richard Winters. What do you say? Can I convince you to love me again?"

"I never stopped."

"Currahee."


	12. Poem - Perhaps

Perhaps someday the sun will shine again,  
And I shall see that still the skies are blue,  
And feel once more I do not live in vain,  
Although bereft of You.

Perhaps the golden meadows at my feet  
Will make the sunny hours of spring seem gay,  
And I shall find the white May-blossoms sweet,  
Though You have passed away.

Perhaps the summer woods will shimmer bright,  
And crimson roses once again be fair,  
And autumn harvest fields a rich delight,  
Although You are not there.

Perhaps someday I shall not shrink in pain  
To see the passing of the dying year,  
And listen to Christmas songs again,  
Although You cannot hear.

But though kind Time may many joys renew,  
There is one greatest joy I shall not know  
Again, because my heart for loss of You  
Was broken, long ago.

_Vera Brittain_

**Author's Note:**

> I based this upon the characters playing the real Nixon and Winters in the HBO Series Band of Brothers. I meant no disrespect towards the war heroes and only want to enjoy some fanfiction writing about the characters. No money's been made of this fic.


End file.
